in another life;;

two tongues

2010-05-10T22:44:00.002-04:00

I'm not exactly sure if everyone is aware how much can happen in two weeks. since my last post, I've managed to have my mind blown by angels & airwaves, meet AVA, and Tom DeLonge, have a killer paycheck and some adventures and mishaps at work involving cash register mysteries, five foot long snakes, and broken glass. I've also created some of the best portraits and silhouettes of my life. all of that, not to mention I got into a car accident, and was denied the Say Anything concert tonight, but as an exchange I talked to an old friend and free handed some sweet paintings on young hannah's wall. did I even bother to add I'll be seeing my bff Megan Senter in three days?! and our old pals Madina Lake ;) yeah, things have been busy alright. school has taken a back seat because let's face it: I am beyond done!

leaves.

2010-04-27T14:28:00.003-04:00

i think that maybe, just maybe, it's time to resurrect this blog.

hello old friends. my, it's been quite a long time since i've visited you here. what's going on these days? it's amazing how things can change in a year. (or two)
i feel as if i've lost all ambition, but the strange thing is, that i'd like to be as positive as i can for the time being. and who is to say that it's only for the time being?

i think everyone should know that i'm starting over. i'm done with being so spiteful and vengeful. i'm done with being so upset over petty little things. i'm done! and the relief i feel as i type this is just absolutely refreshing.

no, i'm not going to delete any previous entries that may or may not have been sporadically sprinkled throughout the archives of this blog. i think that i am going to embark on a personal mission. that mission is to save me from myself. how exactly am i going to go about doing that? well, truth be told, i'm not completely sure.
yet.
but, i can say this: it has been far too long.
welcome home :)

ATTN ATTN:

2009-08-25T01:50:00.002-04:00

i feel i must bring to the attention of the few readers that still refresh the pages of this very blog in hopes of an update, that i am now focusing my blogging habits (or lack thereof) on a new domain.
i think of this as a new frontier that has yet to be explored, and an opportunity for a new, fresh look. no, i'm not talking about twitter, though, if you don't already follow me, the url is as always: http://twitter.com/hayleytodd.
the domain that i'm referring to, is tumblr, which, i feel is a more hands on-type site that is more beneficial to my blogging needs. (haha) on tumblr, i've created a blog affectionately titled "earth to hayley." the title, of course, a quote adopted from my previous post, that i felt had a particularly good ring. there, i've managed to post little things that i find interesting, pictures, quotes, dialogue, video, etc., with the occasional post relevant to my life. i hope you enjoy my new site, dear reader, as much as i do.
with that said, i give you: http://hayleytodd.tumblr.com.
this news however, does not mean to say that i will no longer post to my current domain, my faithful blog "in another life;;." it simply means i'm exploring new fields in the blogging world, and as always, i encourage you, dear reader, to check back here from time to time for lengthy updates on my life and the like. the purpose of this post was to simply alert my followers of the reasons for my low post quota in recent weeks, and to inform of my new domain. previously to this, the only way that anyone was made aware of my tumblr blog was through twitter.
happy blogging/reading :)

indifference

2009-08-18T11:23:00.002-04:00

i guess it's safe to say that my blog is just about as boring as this summer has been. so in reality, it is an accurate reflection of my summer. that's sad.
i just feel like i haven't done anything at all. my time has just flown by, and earth to hayley: we have an ap english summer assignment, and i haven't even scratched the surface of my summer reading books. but as i told grace yesterday, this is really the first time we've had actual "LITERATURE" for summer reading, and not mindless, 150 paged bull crap like "Vampire High" or some nonsense like that.
on the brightside,
things have been really looking up lately. my sister just went off to college, and now i'm reaping the benefits of being an only child, andrew has been making me so happy lately, and to top it off, i think i'm going to start back on my good eating habits.
i'm just going to have to make the most of these last three weeks, because i'm REALLY not looking forward to school AT ALL. at least i'll finally be an upperclassman, but it doesn't make up for the intense amount of work that i'll be getting myself into. D:
someone take me to the beach? please?
and not some crappy man made beach, or the edge of a certain river nearby, take me to THE BEACH! D:

"hayley's thursday rainy day blog"

2009-08-13T16:58:00.002-04:00

i sought inspiration for the title from my dad, on behalf of the fact that i could not think of anything myself! and as the title reveals, it is a gloomy day here today, but interestingly, i'm in a good mood. and even more oddly enough, i've still managed to be in such a good mood although i was just rained out of busch gardens.
-------------------------
so it's now friday night, which is undoubtedly confusing, considering that this post is dated as 'thursday,' but i assure you, not much has changed in the world of hayley todd in the matter of one day.
in fact, things have been more perfect now than ever, and i'm really happy about it.
let's see, my next week's schedule goes as follows:
sunday: going up to richmond to move my sister into her dorm
monday: out to lunch at cracker barrel with andrew, sammie, and caleb
tuesday: hanging out with kaeley, most likely the beach? :)
and at some point in time, going to busch again with grace, hanging out with lindsey and brenna, and as always, time with my a walker!
things have been going so great, and what caused this sudden change? i don't know.
it all started with the mall on monday, which was amazing because we went to norfolk, and i got a really super cute dress from forever 21, and a SWEET koi fish (huge and clunky!) necklace from for love 21. :)
(this just in: lindsey texted me, and apparently we're pulling an all nighter this upcoming week!)
tuesday (the day/afternoon) could have been....less hostile, but andrew and i saw 500 days of summer, which i'd never heard of, but i really liked it a lot! the girl looked JUST LIKE KATY PERRY oh my gosh! and then THEN!!! my whole fam fam went over to virginia beach for the incubus concert, and it was absolutely spectacular. incubus is AMAZING live. they sounded just like the cd, only it was so much better. and to think, my mom had nearly sold the tickets two nights before. (we were there for her, because she loooooooves her some incubus, haha) but yeah, i mean, it was totally awesome, and we had third row seats too. i was freaking out when they played stellar and quicksand, but then they played wish you were here and are you in?, and i was like AHHHHHHH! it was really amazing, i mean, awesome.
wednesday was really good too, i don't quite remember the entirety of what happened, other than going over to andrew's for a couple of hours, hitting aroma's, and him coming over that night for a rousing game of charades. hahaha, that i do remember, and it was hilarious.
yesterday, as previously mentioned, i was rained out of busch, and today, i went over to andrew's again and aided him in his studies of his dmv booklet in order to obtain his permit.
i've really been itchin' to blog, i promise.
i need to do a lot of things.
like take those pictures of my art i've been meaning to do for eons. and re paint my toenails, and clean my room. do some laundry, and that blasted summer reading, and STILL i need to re-arrange all the crap on my walls and FINALLY hang up my signed meg & dia and four madina lake posters i got at warped!
pete louise.
but andrew and i did bake some particularly delectable funfetti cookies tonight which are in fact, the bomb.

and as always, i'll remind everyone to follow me on twitter: twitter.com/hayleytodd, which i happen to (regrettably) update a LOT more than this here blog.

l8r h8rs :)

2009-08-10T23:23:00.001-04:00

Today was perfect until i ruined it with an assumption of time.

little thoughts

2009-08-08T23:15:00.002-04:00

today was spontaneously excellent.
days without fighting with andrew: FIVE. can you believe it?! we're on a roll. i guess it's only considered a 'fight' if i cry, eh? this morning we went out early for back to school shopping on this lovely tax free holiday. bumped into andrew at the mall (haha, purely NOT coincidental, but in a way it was), and then my new friends kristin and megan dunn were in tilly's! i was so excited to see them (see my warped tour post-the two mentioned girls who helped us find madina's tent)! they came a loooong way just to go to the mall, but it was cool bumping into them there. :)
i didn't get anything from the mall, but mom and i went back out shopping later, and i got four cute new tops from target. we also went to costco for the sake of the free samples, and blockbuster to rent twilight. we also got some "school supplies," if you could call it that. basically a five subject notebook and some pencils is all that i really require for school. ha.
andrew came over later, and ate some cowboy chow with us, and then we watched twilight, which is....well, i guess you've probably seen it.
and then we lifted weights. haha.
anyway.
bye for now. D:

on the surface

2009-08-06T22:52:00.002-04:00

today was actually really nice, despite the fact that i didn't do much.
tomorrow however, particularly in the evening, i can already guarantee you i will not be too happy.
i will try to make the best of it, as i'm relatively positive i have the upper hand.
no one likes liars.
no one likes desperate girls.
:)

and she can claim she's not afraid of me until she's blue in the face, but she should probably save her breath. after all, i wouldn't be notorious around these parts if she wasn't. (in fear of me, that is)
the ironic thing is, if you'll recall last summer, i was searching for notoriety: something to set me apart from everyone, something to be known for.
although this wasn't exactly my idea of that at the time, and it took an entire year to accomplish, for once i'm positive that i've actually done so. and now, i'm not sure how i should take this title, but i'm dealing with it now for what it is.
that's all i can do.
so what if you've got people who don't know me against me? it's not doing me any harm.
it's just making you seem immature once they know the WHOLE story.
and it's not the WHOLE story that you've been giving them, is it?
but that's something i've learned this summer; always have an open mind.

i'm done for now, but leaving you kind folks with something to think about.

yeah! lurk my stuff, see if i care. i know you do.
just don't choke on it. :)

fast as the wind goes

2009-08-05T23:19:00.002-04:00

this blogging habit BLOWS.
holy jeez, it's the fifth already, and i haven't even touched this thing. (actually, considering that it's not technically a tangible object, i guess i'm already a little bit better off than i thought i was)
my eyes are as dry as these weeks have been.
at least i'm driving regularly now. much to andrew's dismay, but i just can't help it. i really really like it a lot, and any chance i can get, i'm there. and no, i'm not talking about driving with an adult, either. i'm talking about, "hey, i'm home alone, wuz good taco bell?" that kind of driving. too bad the gas tank isn't talking that way too, eh?
i'm sorry, but with the classes i'm taking this year, there's no way no how that i will have a job. i just do not foresee it at all. math analysis, chemistry, AND ap english? not to mention french IV and honors debate as two of my "electives." yeah, no telling how much my gpa will drop first semester. i'm hoping, really hoping that i can push it up to 3.8 at least by the end of the year. maybe even 3.85, but that's wishful thinking. although i'm comfortable with my current 3.79, which went up .19 from freshman year, i'd really like to see if i can raise it just a smidge.
but i don't even want to worry about school at this point. there are far too many things that i still want to do this summer, including (but not limited to) putt putt, a day trip to VA Beach that's NOT the ampitheatre, hanging out with brenna, and going to busch to actually ride things. :)
these last few days (two days, but who's counting?) have been really really good, (well, i mean, not bickering-wise) and i'm honestly hoping that we can keep this up.
for those of you who don't know, andrew and i recently made it to nine months together, and so far, so good. :) we went on a sweet little picnic at the lion's bridge, and it couldn't have been more perfect. :)
also, i got my hair cut, for the first time in '09. it's.....just okay. nothing crazy or unusual, though i think it's drastic change that i want, i just don't know how to achieve that. i'm jealous i'm not one of those people who aren't plain, who are interesting and funny, who always know what to say, who can work any kind of hair in any style. i wish i was that way, but then again, if i was completely, i might not have what i do. i don't know, it's super cute when i curl it, but the cost of that is an hour sitting in front of my mirror trying to get every curl just so. these humid days are the death of me.
i'm just plain, and i'm sick of being so. i wish i was bold enough to do the things that i'd like to do with my hair and wardrobe, but something inside me just won't allow it. sometimes i wonder who i really am, because i'm not sure who i want to be. (not so) deep down, i'm a really (obviously) artsy person with a sense of style that could be appreciated, i just haven't come that far out of my shell to do so.
on the bright side, i've won people over to take my point of view. i am, after all, the hottest topic to discuss over bagels at aromas and pinatas, aren't i? (*please don't take what i say with any sense of smug pride [seriously].)
i would enjoy a shopping spree, but i can't on my pathetically limited funds.
i'm also trying to figure out tumblr, but that's kind of mutiny on blogspot's behalf.

i reckon that's all i'm about to say.
l8r h8rs :)

blase?

2009-07-31T10:00:00.002-04:00

so the time has come for another haircut.
what will it be this time? dreadful? i hope not.
tolerable? let's aim for that.
decent? hopefully.
good, even? let's not get too carried away.

i just want a bit of change.

"thought it over, i don't want to die here"

2009-07-26T16:44:00.002-04:00

people can be such a disappointment.
and this time, i'm not even talking about the usual suspects. (so no, this post is not in reference to you, a walker, you, megan, or even you, lindsey)
what i mean to say is, someone that is very close to you, who just....leaves you in the dark all the time despite the fact that they "tell you everything" as mentioned in a facebook note or two. it's just ridiculous. no, not even. it's a let down.
i mean, i'd like to think i have a general idea of what's going on, who's new today, where you are, etc., but....i don't. i never do anymore. not for a long time, and certainly not now. it's really nice of you to lie straight to megan's and my face. really?
i feel like i don't even know who you are anymore. i worry about you. it's a shame in a post about YOU, i've started at least five sentences with 'i.'
i feel like we're back to last september. all the sneaking around and lying, letting me find things out months later.
why can't you just talk to me? instead you just let me find out on my own, or keep it so well that i don't find out at all. and then you think it's funny to tell me months later.
:\
it's stupid, really.
but then again, i guess you figure i am too.

despite the tone of this post, i'm actually in a good mood.

disclaimer: just so no one gets mad at me, and i'm aware i'm going to have to offer an explanation of the 'you' mentioned in this post 5+ times, i'm just going to go ahead and say that i am NOT i repeat, NOT talking about andrew, megan, or lindsey.

o hai warped oh nine!

2009-07-25T12:58:00.002-04:00

jeez, sorry i haven't updated in FOREVER.
D:
last summer i was ON IT. haha.
so in case you're wondering, this is the ever elusive (and heavily anticipated) second annual warped tour update! we're talking about wednesday, july 22 in virginia beach.
it all started with megan coming up here monday, staying through today, which is saturday, and of course, attending warped tour here with andrew and me. we left that morning around eight thirty to get there early, we were in va beach by 9:40. the line to get in was monstrously long and chocked full of 'scenesters' 'hipsters' 'hippies', and any other stereotype you could imagine. plus the inevitable handful of freaks and weirdos in their slipknot apparel and their tripp pants. we made our way to the end of the what seemed like a never ending line of people. after about half an hour into our wait, we copped out on the line and bought four 'jump the line' passes four $20. that only got us quite a bit further than where we were, but it was another line, nonetheless. (we cut at least half of it using the 'playing dumb' strategy. "oh, that's the end of the line? i thought this was the end...")
anyway, so we got in the venue and waited in another huge pack of people before the bridge to get over to the mainstages and all the tents. we later found out the delay was caused by some band's trailer flying off the highway or something that caused this huge back up, and long story short, a lot of the tents weren't set up when we arrived. so then, we were wandering the little village of merch tents, and megan and i were all wigged out because we couldn't find the flippin' madina lake tent, so we were stressin' because we didn't know what time they were signing, but we knew they were playing at 4:15. these three girls poked megan and were like, "you can't find the tent either?!" and one of the girls was this chick that we'd recognized from relevant in may because she looked just like becca neal! and so we were like, "well, good luck finding it!" later on, we found out through them that the tent was near the breathe carolina and a day to remember tents.
most of the day we spent wandering through the tents or in the ampitheatre watching whichever bands were performing on the smartpunk and hurley.com stages. the first two we saw were big d and the kid's table, and the white tie affair. i got to meet meg & dia at 3:30. they were really nice and super cute and they signed a poster for me that i ripped off the walls. and right after that we stood and watched 'settings' on the ernie ball stage because they were right before madina lake! megan was at the barricade, but i sort of hung back because i wasn't in the mood to get pummeled by crowd surfers again, but i still had a really good view, and i got some sweet pictures. i was disappointed though, because they only played for 20 minutes. they also only played six songs, and they were all the ones that i don't care for as much. well, except for adalia.
so anyway, after that we cooled off under the over hang before the ML signing. megan and i were the second people in line, next to the girls that we'd talked to earlier. they actually ended up asking our names and telling us that they'd add us on facebook later! their names were kristin and megan, and they also told us that they remembered us from relevant AND warped tour last year! megan stood in line and talked to them for about an hour, and i went with andrew to see meg & dia on hurley.com. it was really REALLY really REALLY great! they played what if and black wedding, and roses :) i was a very happy camper! andrew and i left five minutes early to go back and wait for madina lake's signing. megan and i gave them the scrapbook we'd made them, and they really seemed to enjoy it. :) i was happy. i also got a picture with the whole band (-mateo) this time! :D and matthew leone hugged me :)
during our time at warped, we also creeped on jack barakat through the fence (peace homies), were bypassed by THE jeffree (creepy) star, and met a skylit drive. i also got an atticus shirt (finally!) and was a warped tourIST with the madina lake tent.
all in all it was a satisfying day. i just wish i would have been able to talk to ML like we did last year or at relevant, but the line to meet them was SOOOOO LONG. that was disappointing too. they're my favorite band. i don't want them reaching fall out boy status or something.

we just took megan home, so now i'm sad, because i don't know when i'll see her next.
but it's okay. i think i'm going to take a nap or something of that nature. i haven't decided yet.
so long everyone. don't kill me for not having quality updates.
:)

2009-07-23T20:48:00.001-04:00

Warped update later

sympathy

2009-07-19T13:19:00.008-04:00

It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.

Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains, or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.

I’ve got my mouth.
It’s a weapon. It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon.
I’ve got my words.
I won’t give you mercy. Mercy.

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And you’ll tell me what i want to hear ’cause you think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing?

I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open, make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing.

so i just found out

2009-07-14T00:16:00.002-04:00

that i'm probably going to be standing SIDE STAGE during madina lake's set at warped this year. excited doesn't even begin to cover it. it's all thanks to my good friend mike, who, last year, if you'll recall, got me and all my friends to the front of the line when gates opened at warped last year. he was also the one who was going to crowdsurf with me during FTSK's Whoa-Oh! but, neither of us made it in time. maybe this year, eh?! :) anyway, he's got this VIP ticket that gets him backstage with bands that aren't main stage, i.e., madina lake. (i've never been so grateful for the ernie ball stage) so he tweeted me this afternoon and asked if i was interested, and i'm totally like, YESSSS. but the only problem is i don't know if megan can go with me? we'll find a way though, i hope. :) i am now even more excited for warped in EIGHT DAYS, if that was even possible.
i just have to get through these next few days, and life will be cake. well, except for this finally assembly biz of the scrapbook and all. but i'm sure everything will fall into place. i'm sure. :)
today was a really fantastic day, actually. it was my mom's birthday, and (well, i suppose it's not anymore, is it? oh well haha) for lunch, we enjoyed low fat chickfila grilled sandwiches. for dinner we had an AMAZING dinner at red lobster, with a little too peppy of a waitress. haha. by the way, my dinner was also low fat, and i resisted the delicious cheesy biscuits that they have. mmmm. :)
i also got to spend some time with andrew. it wasn't much, but it's definitely quality not quantity in this case. it was so great. :) he came over later after dinner and gave my mom this hilariously accurate birthday card; complete with pictures of carin terriers, burn notice, yarn, horses, and most importantly, incubus. hahah. then we watched 50 first dates, which, believe it or not, neither of us had ever seen before.
tomorrow, i think i'm hanging out with lindsey, probably. uh, and then i've gotta pack for this blasted trip, but it's okay.
i'll be home saturday.
and i probably won't have my phone hardly at all. (i'm not supposed to have one, but i'm bringing it. but i won't have a charger or anything.)
ahhh life.
I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOWWWWW!
:)
(for once, let's hope it lasts)

"i am your umbrella, hayley."

2009-07-10T22:44:00.003-04:00

12 (almost eleven) DAYS UNTIL WARPED TOUR.
excited? that doesn't even begin to cover it.
i miss my megasentz. it's been nearly two months since i've seen her.

freaking youth conference is next week, and i'm really NOT looking forward to it.
i babysat today, and did not get paid for today or last friday when i was there four several hours. heather borrowed ten dollars from me today for gas. my total now is twenty, but i have tremendous hopes of getting reimbursed before warped. possibly even doing a little bit more babysitting before hand so i can go with more than fifty five dollars. yes, i'm planning on getting one of those limited editon bbycks shirts. i want one! obviously, i'm getting a ML shirt, and hopefully a bunch of other sweet gear like last year. except this year i'm not going to be duped into buying a crappy demo cd from a crappy band with a crappy name. uh oh! explosion? really?
what gives?
haha

anyway. i admire the amount of blogging that vicky has been doing lately. i just wanted to throw that out there.
things are doing better on the homefront (i'm typing this unbelievably fast, considering i'm on the phone with andrew, but i'm waiting for him to return, all i'm hearing right now is this empty buzzing noise. i'm not quite sure what he's doing...) we just dropped him and jesi off a little while ago. it was really nice having both of them over here for a change. jesi actually stayed a pretty long time too, and i got to do her hair, which was amazing!!
tomorrow i hope to be able to go shopping for a pair of running shoes and some shirts that i really really need.

---my post was interrupted---

it's now saturday morning. "things are doing better" psh. yeah right.
just forget i said anything.

D: !

2009-07-09T17:05:00.003-04:00

currently, i'm having those strange, yet rare feelings that i lived in california.
that's right. the matches, AKA THIRD FAVORITE BAND STATUS have gone on hiatus. :( as much as i wish it wasn't true, i can't help but to feel the teensiest bit 'ok' with it, because at least i was lucky enough to see them and meet them. plus, i have an autographed poster thanks to sarah browning.
but still, i'm really distraught about this. the matches are....absolutely incredible!, to say the least. every last one of their songs are crazy, and inventive, and so over-the-top.
this is a real shame. i'm depressed. i love the matches, and i have since eighth grade. i've loved them for almost three years. and it's not like they're gonna pull a 'blink,' necessarily, because they even said it themselves in their blog, "Not knowing if or when we might play together as The Matches again, we’ve decided to play a couple going-away shows in our home state of California in August." it's depressing. and obviously, i can't see them one last time(?) as the matches, because they're only playing in california.
i mean, i guess it's somewhat okay, but....the matches ~~were~~ and will always be amazing to me.
and yes, i will continue to wear my shirts with great pride. :)

(and shawn harris will always be gorgeous)

nineteen stars

2009-07-07T23:32:00.003-04:00

there was an absolutely beautiful lunar eclipse tonight. the moon was huge, and had a rust-colored tint. the church activity was actually bearable tonight, but we'll see how well i fare when it's not just four other girls.
so now i figure that i'm like becca neal, and i'm only blogging when i'm sad nowadays. honestly, i'm sad more often than not, but these skeletons in our closets just can't seem to go away now, can they? (by the way, i'd just like to add that i typed that last sentence through both a nosebleed and a sneezing fit) we all say things we don't mean, and we all like to make everyone happy, well, you do at least. but how can anyone just completely disregard the fact that i am completely UNhappy? i feel like i'm always blogging about the same useless garbage, but really? there needs to be some changes, and they need to happen fast. i can't keep dealing with this.
i'm not used to this horrible schedule of crying and crying, and stressing, and worrying. there needs to be a break at some point, and i'm going to do something about it.
i wish i could explain how sad i am. and how worthless i feel. i just want to be wanted and needed and loved and appreciated, and i want to be told that i am a good person.
i'm sick of this bratty girl telling my boyfriend that i'm a bad person, and i'm no good for him, and i'm a jerk, when she doesn't even know the first thing about me. and yet, i'm the bad guy for getting upset about it? it makes no sense. i feel like i am a good person overall. yes, maybe a little bit tempermental at times, and definitely territorial about my andrew and my art, but that's only because those two things have so much worth to me. and no one seems to understand that, but in all honesty, they're the only two things i feel that i have sometimes. i just wish i could be interesting and spontaneous and happy and adventurous, and everything he wants in a girlfriend. but right now i'm stuck in a rut and i don't know what i need to do.
all i'm saying is i want to be happy. no hard feelings, i just want to be happy again.
i love you andrew, you know that. i love you so much that sometimes it's hard to show you, but i really do. and yes, you are all i have sometimes. and you're always what i need.
:/
please don't take him away from me.

don't tell me, nothing matters.
i'll tell you, what, what matters.
bare feet in the summer,
open windows at night.

you think that no one needs you,
you have nothing to see through.
well I need you, I need you,
don't i count in this fight?

resistance.

2009-07-05T19:57:00.002-04:00

hello there!
well, let's do something i haven't done in a while: blog appropriately, eh?

i don't even know where to start with the catch-up, but holy jeez, i was so much better than this last year, no doubt about it. i suppose my first order of business is to address the fact that my fourth of july was outrageously boring. in fact, i didn't even wear red, white and blue. i wore MAGENTA! no, i didn't see any fireworks whatsoever, and to be honest? the most interesting thing that happened to me was a trip to walgreens with my mom. i bought eyeliner, which i haven't worn since february or so. either way, it's really pathetic that i live in one of the most historically rich areas of the nation, and all i did was sit around playing roller coaster tycoon 2. (for hours on end, i might add)
aside from my lack of festivities, i looked forward to behind the wheel at 3:00, but shortly before sturm cancelled. why? he, unlike myself, had actual plans. wow. i fail.
it's whatevs. i spent all weekish/end waiting for andrew to come home from pennsylvania. (he's en route as i type this) i decided to blog in my down time, because i've managed to pull myself away from all this RCT2 madness.
earlier this week, i took a little adventure in iTunes, and i downloaded a lot of new music. :) it was really successful, because now i have a whole new upbeat playlist i walk to in the mornings.
other than that, i don't really have that much to say, except: let's hang out this weeeeek! :) i want plans with people. and let's have fun!
also, warped tour: 17 DAYS. hallelujah! i can't wait. i'm telling you, i think about it ten times at least every day. and it's not even that the line up is super great this year, it's just the whole environment it just amazing! i'm so excited.

and finally, today, at 3:17 pm, i officially became a licensed driver! :)
I GOT MY LICENSE~~~~~
yay yay yay :)

that is all, until i work up the gumption necessary to blog again in the upcoming week. :)

2009-07-04T23:32:00.001-04:00

I swear i'll blog tomorrow.

2009-07-01T23:31:00.001-04:00

Blog!

i can't do this

2009-06-28T23:37:00.003-04:00

god.

i can't figure out what's wrong with me.
euphoric doesn't even begin to cover it. bipolar, more the like.
things are alright, yes alright, alright.
but then they just get bad. and fast.
i'll just throw this out there: i really really hate going to my church.
every sunday it's just unbearable to have to sit in that room with those girls that i know don't like me. i have to just sit there and act like i'm alright, on the brink of tears with those horrible, fake girls. they don't like me for no reason. and i'm absolutely sick of it. i didn't do a thing to any one of them, and just because i choose not to participate in camp and related activities, it makes me public enemy number one. i'm just so done with those awful people. it's not even the teachings or 'church' part that bothers me. it's just the terrible people that take away from everything! i recall a similar post like this from last summer, in which i expressed my uncomfortable state in which i had to attend church. at least i had heather back then, my only friend in that ward. now i don't even have her. you know, i never thought that girls who wanted to be closer to jesus would be so 'clique-y,' especially those who have the bright and (unbearably) sunny attitudes no matter what's going on. terrorists could be invading, and they'd still be smiling their fake little heads off.
i'm just sick of it. the leaders think that i'm not making appropriate friendly efforts to get to know them. well guess what? we've been in this horrible ward for a year now, and not a single one of them has made an effort to reach out to me. especially not one that was in my english class for four months.
it's pathetic.
they're pathetic.

and then there's andrew. and how i just can't seem to keep him happy. and tonight we argued over the dumbest thing. in fact, i'm not even sure what we were 'fighting' about, i just know it was something that made me cry.
but i'm so sick of crying, and feeling like crap. especially after yesterday and the day before were really fantastic. i just don't understand what happened tonight to make things bad.

oh, and then there's the fact that i start behind the wheel tomorrow. i'm really really really nervous, and i don't feel prepared in the least. in fact, i'm not even sure i know enough to take this course. but it's now or never, and unfortunately, i chose now. but at least i should get my license next sunday, if all goes right. my mom insists that i'm a really great driver, but when my hands start shaking as i approach 60, i think otherwise.

ugh. why can't it just be freaking july 20th, already? i get to spend time with megan, and we get to finish our present for madina lake. oh, and freaking youth conference will be over.
:(

oh, and poor billy mays. he died today as well. i swear, they're getting picked off, one by one.
and it's sad. i loved him.
RIP billy mays. we'll miss you.

sad-osity scale?

2009-06-25T22:53:00.002-04:00

it's sad that michael jackson died today.
even though he was kind of an odd ball, it's still sad that he passed away. he was a legend. i feel like i did when the crocodile hunter died. unbelievable! it's hard to fathom someone so memorable, so iconic, being taken away for good.
it's also sad that i laid out in the broad sunlight for a few hours today and didn't get anything but maybe a patch here or there of redness on my shoulders.
but what's really really sad is i'm waaaaaay TOO LAZY to blog a decent paragraph or three.
i don't know what's wrong with me.
no one cares these days, unfortunately.

i suppose the lone good beacon of hope in this pitiful excuse for a blog post is that warped tour begins tomorrow in california. :D
also, i've managed to get my sorry butt up everymorning for the last week at 9:30, and have successfully walked approx. 3.5 miles every day. except for tuesday, when i not only walked three miles around my uncle's neighborhood in the morning, but five more that evening at npn park. (woo hoo!) i've been eating EVERYTHING low fat, and i even turned up pizza, dairy queen, AND taco bell. twice. now that's a big deal.
i'm determined to do this the right way.
i want to lose weight so badly, and i have a gooooood feeling about it this summer.
then i'm going to go buy the complete stock of aerie and everything in it :)
if anyone ever had any doubts about what to get me for my birthday, just get me a big ol' aerie giftcard so i can buy all the cute hoodies and good smelling stuff in there. okay?

alright.
but i guess the big part of today was going swimming with my aunts at their neighborhood pool, basically all day.
it was really really fun, and it was totally a beautiful day outside today. andrew came with us, and we played with my cousins in the pool, and now lahna totally loves him, i can tell. :)
as for tomorrow? i was invited to a pool party at 8, but i'm having second thoughts about going. i don't think i will. i do have to babysit though, but that's what, fifteen more dollars in my pocket? plus the fifteen i got on tuesday. (warped tour/megan's birthday present, here i come!) haha and now, finally i'm not going to spend all of my money on food. i'm too busy concentrating on my fat free turkey hot dogs, and my fat free raspberry frozen yogurt, that i intend to burn off with tomorrow morning's walk.

i suppose that's all for today.
and all those lacking ambition. but i'd like to remind my friends that THEY DO HAVE BLOGS TOO! ;) you know who you areeeee.
nighty kids. r.i.p. mj :(

induction

2009-06-23T21:01:00.002-04:00

je souhaite que ma soeur had never showed adam fantasy.
freaking NO ONE knew about that store for the longest time, and since she had to take him there, it's like the hottest spot in town.
seriously? find something else to rip off, but don't take away something i've known about since i was, oh, i don't know, nine? probably younger.
it just makes me so mad that now everyone knows about it and exploits it.
D:<

*rant over, steps off soapbox

(real blog later)

sizzly

2009-06-21T23:00:00.002-04:00

posting these love letters from my uncle jon's house. i'm camping out over here for a few days while the rest of my family is elsewhere.
it's late,
i'm tired,
and i guess i'm going to try and find somewhere to walk around this destitute neighborhood.
(it reminds me of the sahara due to lack of foliage...)

but that's all tomorrow folks.
goodnight.

and furthermore,

2009-06-20T23:57:00.002-04:00

i am not a bad person.
i am not irrational.
I AM NOT BEING MEAN.
i'm just very set in my ways, thank you, and i don't care for your opinion.
tonight has proven to me one thing:
you are too naive. you're so innocent in the sense of right and wrong,
yet too naive to realize what is presently happening.

but i won't allow it.
the deterioration of everything i've worked so hard for;
everything i've promised;
all the dreams i've shared;
i will not let some ungodly force destroy it all.

i'm sorry,
but i have not yet even begun to fight.
don't be afraid to show your teeth.

"put her in reverse, hay"

2009-06-19T23:56:00.003-04:00

only a few hours ago, i was babysitting my little cousins. three of them: lahna, dylan, and tyson, who is only something like two months old. for the first half hour i was there, all they wanted to do was stand perched at a corner of sidewalk, dollar bills clutched in hand for the arrival of the ever elusive ice cream man. unfortunately for them, by the time we had heard him, he was exiting the neighborhood.
after a 'tea party' with lahna ("you can drink the water! it's just from the hose!" D: ) in the back yard, i was begging them to go inside. thankfully, before my aunt megan left she told them to come inside and put on a movie. boy. they had pick, barbie fairytopia: mermaidia. wow, that was pure cinematic genius. whoever thought up that creation should be shot. at least it had them glued to it for an hour and a half, i'll give it that. even dylan, the nearly three year old boy was saucer-eyed at the sight of the computer-generated barbies flying around and under water fighting fungi that were attempting to steal a berry that just so happened to grow under water. okay, yeah.
my mom had actually allowed me to drive there; york county from kiln creek....i was astonished!
i spent some time with andrew this afternoon, we had a small fight in the process, because he couldn't understand why i wanted to go on a walk by myself. i can't get genuine exercize with andrew there, it just doesn't happen. so he just had to have me come over as soon as he said so, which made me mad. actually, i ended up storming out of their house, slamming the door behind me, and leaving him to come chase after me on jesi's bike. long story short, we walked alllllll the way to hannah's house for approx. 3 minutes before going back to his house for an hour or two. but it's all good now. well, except for the fact that this stupid girl can't seem to quit. she is just DYING to hang out with him tomorrow night....at her house. (i don't care who is there, it's not necessary.) since her boyfriend broke up with her, she's been on him like they're bff's or something, and i just DO NOT feel like being pissed off about it all over again. she's going to learn that he's MY BOYFRIEND and she's not going to change that. ugh. i'm with you brenna, girls just infuriate me. so he wants to go, and i'm just like, why can't you see that this upsets me?
that's to be continued.
so before ANNNNYYYY of this even happened at all, today my dad took me driving for two hours! it was amazing. i drove all the way to yorktown, the beach, and i even got to merge onto the highway. it was envigorating! i've never driven above 50, and i'm not afraid to do 60 now. :) he even let me drive over to gloucester, which means i crossed my first bridge today! although it's not very long, it's pretty high up. more so than the HRBT, but it was a good experience. it proves to me that i haven't adopted my mother's anxiety.
the good news is, i'll be taking behind the wheel next next week, so in two weeks, i'll be a licensed driver. :) the closer it is, the more excited i get, even though at one point i didn't like to drive at all.

so in conclusion, i'm trying my hardest not to waste this summer, and so far, so good. :)
aside from the fact that it's only the second day.
did i mention i'm staying at my uncle's house sun-tues? oh how the adventures never cease. :)
but now i'm rubbing the sleep outta my eyes.
nighty all.

dunes and tunes

2009-06-18T23:31:00.001-04:00

today marks the first official day of summer vacation.
i'd say more....if i weren't so tired, that is.
i can't believe it, but i actually did something today!
lindsey and i had adventures in french toast making, and then adventures in riverview, which later caused me to have a blister. we probably walked around 3 1/2 miles though! she insisted on making me watch anastasia, a movie which she claims to be lovely and heartwarming, but i'd have to disagree, considering it scarred my childhood after i saw it in theaters when i was a wee tot. my mom picked me up before this could take place, however.
then a walker came over around 7:30, and we watched burn notice with my mom. they were very enthusiastic about it. he just left, at like, 11:15, because he was pretty much falling asleep. awww my lil a walker :)
anyway,
i'm tired,
and smelly,
so i'm going to take a shower.
nighty all.

done, done, and done.

2009-06-16T21:45:00.002-04:00

tomorrow is the very last day of school. the last day of sophomore year, and the last exam i have to take. this school year, albeit a controversial one, was one of the best school years i've ever had. (yeah, yeah, yeah, i know many of you do not share my opinon)
but hear me out here, folks. i can remember the sunday before school started. heather and i were sitting outiside of church on a picnic table talking about the year to come, how heather would graduate, and how eventually, she'd go off to college. those thoughts seemed a millenium away, and suddenly now they're a reality. i'm going to become an only child, essentially, in two months. in three months, i'll finally become an upperclassman. in five months, i'll be seventeen. the interesting thing is, as far away as these events seem now? in the big scheme of things, they're right around the corner. before we know it, it'll be christmas break, and then we'll be welcoming in 2010. it's hard to believe we're halfway through '09 now, but we are!
as i sit here, praying that this summer is going to be half as spectacular as last year's, i can't help but to remember what heather had said to me at the close of said amazing summer.
"things are gonna change for you, hay. i just think things'll be different for you this year."
i asked her if this 'change' was going to be good or bad, and she said she didn't know, but she knew things would just be different.
and change they did.
at first i thought this 'change' was the disastrous triangle of 'who-liked-who' during the latter half of september. eventually, that blew over for the better, and i took some advice from a friend of mine to just let it go. (after i'd spent a week or so 'boo-hooing' about it all)
then, this 'change' really began to come into effect around october. if the horrible events from september weren't enough, this was, but in a positive light.
for the first time in our scholarly careers, heather and i had a class together. ms. creech, 6th period art II. heather + hayley + deaf teacher + art = a recipe for disaster. oh, and throw in six feet nine inches of andrew walker, and that was my october. when it finally occured to me that he liked me, i was so in over my head with him that it was too late to back out. :) oh andrew. yes, i believe this is the change that my sister's prediction had called for. change in the sense that, finally, someone liked me. never had i thought it to be possible, but it was true. and not just anyone, but andrew walker, the tallest, strangest, most 'real' guy you'll ever meet. (i guarantee it) the more we talked, the more i liked him, and eventually, we became andrew n' hayley, not just hayley.....and.....andrew.
the thing is, he was exactly what the doctor ordered. exactly what i needed at the time to put me back in my right mind. and i realized it too. it's a little too bizarre how much in common that we have, and the fact that prior to this year, we'd never had a conversation, save for the occasional, "hey, will you pass the blue?" last year in art class. i'd known of him, he'd known of me, and eventually it had to end like this. :) well, us, i suppose.
yes, this 'change' caused by andrew effected more than the love aspect of my life. my grade in math took a little tumble there for a few weeks, and it's true i lost a friend or two, but i gained so much more. i changed as a person. i figured out what it's like to care about someone more than myself. i changed as a person. i stopped cursing a lot. i was also more mindful of how i treated people, and now i don't drink any soda thanks to him.
so now i sit here wondering. wondering, what is the proper way of ending my sophomore year? taking an exam in the class that changed the course of my entire year, perhaps. yeah, that's right. tomorrow's final, the last exam before summer vacation is art II with ms. creech. and to think, we were both miserable in that class in the start of the year. ha.
my friendship with megan began to falter a bit during those winter months, but spring break was perfect to pick up where we left off nine months prior at a little show called 'the vans warped tour.' in five months, i will have known this kid for two years. for two years, i'll have had my best friend that i'm so thankful for meeting on that single, lucky, random day. things changed alright. megan and i are now closer than ever thanks to our amazing spring break in hilton head together, and a month ago today, madina lake at club relevant. i miss her so much everyday, and i can't wait for our next reunion, shi-thead! oh, and i don't think we've gotten in a fight since july. :)
at this point, i sincerely hope that i can spend so much time with my friends this summer. especially megan, because i saw her soooo much last summer, and it was absolutely awesome! but i also look forward to having fun with my new friends as well. as i think about all the things i'm going to do with andrew and jesi this summer, i can't wait for it to come even faster. plus, this summer is the summer i get my license, and by mid august, i'll have a car all to myself. heck, i'll be driving by myself in julyyyyy! with that said, i'm also going to take hannah and morgan (two of my newest friends!) to fazoli's at least once, and i also hope i get to hang out with square bear a few times before she moves. also, i really hope i get to hang out with becca neal, because i miss her so much. i don't know if she realizes, but i wish we were as close as we were last year. and i want to hang out with brenna too, because we've become better friends in these last few months.
finally, lindsey and i are going to hang out a lot this summer, because i'm going to make it happen. whether she likes it or not, i'm going to make junior year great for her.

well, i guess that's all for tonight guys.
happy last day of school tomorrow! (for some of you, it's today!)

reactions!

2009-06-16T11:32:00.002-04:00

dear lovely readers of hayleytodd.blogspot.com;
it has been brought to my attention that there is a great new 'widget' called 'reactions' available for blogspot! if you'll recall the polls i had weekly last july, reactions is very similar. it's a way for readers to express their general opinion of my blog with just the simple click of a button. although i greatly encourage comments, i feel that 'reactions' is more prone to get the desired feedback, because a blogger or gmail account isn't necessary.
so where are the reactions? you'll notice that below each post there are four boxes each with an emoticon beneath them. it's up to you whether or not you want to leave these 'reactions,' but i think it'd be really great if you did!
thanksss!

commit?

2009-06-15T23:28:00.002-04:00

I love andrew mitchell walker more than i've ever loved anyone else. :) i seem to fall more in love with him every day.

she

2009-06-14T23:29:00.003-04:00

it makes me very upset that i can never think of the right thing to say to her.
i feel bad because i'm around so often, and i feel as if she doesn't like my presence.
i wish that i could find that one thing that i can do personally to help her.
i love her like a sister, but i just want the best for her so much.
the things she's getting herself into lately are certainly not the best for her.
i don't know a lot about her, but i give my sincerest effort into making everything
just the slightest bit more tolerable for her.
seeing her cry just makes me wish even more that i could help.
i'm at a constant loss of things to say to her, because i know that she's too smart.
one of the only things i think i can do is try and get her to smile.
because when she smiles, it maybe covers up some of what she's going through.
and i know i'm not making what she's going through any easier by being around,
but it's the least i can do for her.
she's such a giving person.
she's too selfless.
she needs to think of her future.
i'm thinking of her future.
i hate when she's sad,
but i can't seem to make a difference.

i'm sorry for all that i wish i could do.
but i am here for her.

graduation weekend

2009-06-13T22:41:00.008-04:00

wow, this weekend was super hectic. but it was also really fun because it was heather's graduation saturday, and her party on sunday. (i'm typing this on sunday, despite what the date says) so yesterday, saturday, i ran around with my mom all morning shopping for food to eat at the party today. we also had to get her gigantic sheet cake with the little cap on it that was purple and gold :)
so graduation was really fun, actually. i've heard that it was the most boring ceremony ever, but it was pretty fun in all honesty. brenna and kaitlyn were the first people i talked to there, because they saw me when my family was trying to find seats. (we ended up having a whole row!)
stove gave a really great valedictory address, i was proud to say that i knew him! micaela, meghann and i sat behind this obnoxious family, picking out the longest, most ridiculous names we could find in the program, and 'wooing' for them as they walked across the stage.
i was really happy to see that josh graduated with honors, and didn't have to wait for his name to be called alphabetically. trust me, i 'WOO'D' for him!
after it all, we found heather in the madness outside the stadium, and i picked through the crowd looking for people i knew. i was mad because i didn't see j rock so i could congratulate him, but then i felt a tap on my back and i turned around to see none other than j rock! so i hugged him, told him not to fail at life, and:
so then we left HU and went to chili's and had a delightful dinner, which reminds me of the leftovers i still have in the fridge! :D
today, sunday, i woke up at 10:30, and pretty much started cleaning and getting ready until three. tiffanie was the first to get to our house, followed by my uncle jon and his clan. andrew and jesi showed up next, then my aunt megan with her husband, dustin, and their kids, dylan, lahna, and tyson. everyone else fizzled in after that around 3:30. we cooked out on the grill, and gave heather a bunch of graduation gifts, so now she's like really rich. (haha) the walkers awkwardly avoided all interaction with my family, and jesi was clearly not 'diggin' it, but that's because something, or should i say, someONE was getting her down. but i hope she had fun while she was here. there was SO MUCH FOOD too, it was ridiculous.
but the bottomline is, i love my fam fam! i love having little family get togethers like today, and christmas, and other holidays, because it's a time when we can all just chill together and enjoy it. it also really means a lot to me that andrew came and met all of them today. :)
so here's a few pictures of what happened:
heather, micaela, and becky eyeing the cake :)

tiffy looks like a ghetto girl here!
the jones clan. not sure what uncle jon was doing here. haaaaayyyyy~~!
becky: cousin!
april and baby andrew!
my little cousins! becky and lahna!
dylan :)
megan is so pretty! :)
my grandparents :)
the cutest picture in the world, in my opinion! andrew and baby andrew! awww!

totem polls and fake fights

2009-06-12T23:26:00.004-04:00

today was quite eventful:
above are my fore mentioned earth science kids. my favorite ~~freshmen~~ sophomores in the whole school. we had fun in our last day in homeroom by making a totem poll. this was the second attempt:
and then i went to square bear's birthday party, where the icing on the cake was in fact the cake....fight. here's the aftermath:
yeah, that's right. i wasn't wearing pants, i was wearing a bathing suit, gosh!

as always, if you click on them they get bigger.
today was really fun.
i'm exhausted, but it was so much fun. :)

i'm just a girl in the world!

2009-06-11T20:20:00.002-04:00

SO!
last night, heather and i drove allllllll the way out to the virginia beach amphitheater to see no doubt and paramore! :D
it.
was.
so.
AMAZING.
we spent like, two hours trying to get there on various stretches of freeway, finally finding the correct path to the amphitheater, and a missed attempt at a trip to the lynnhaven mall. we got there, and we could hear the sounds *(haha, the band, not like, literal sounds) in the parking lot, which was SO FULL! they were off the stage by the time we got around the entrance place, and when we were finding our seats paramore was just about to take the stage. i'm actually really really relieved we didn't have to sit on the lawn, because there was A SEA of people standing up there, and when we did go up there to find people we knew, it was hot and sticky and gross. anyway, paramore played like, the most unusual set ever. like, obviously they played misery business and crushcrushcrush and all that jazz, but like, they played freaking decoy! i was like, whattheheck?? (i was happy though, it was exciting!) and they also played when it rains, which took me by surprise, and then the last song they played was decode, which i wasn't necessarily shocked by, but i was surprised they didn't play born for this. they didn't even play emergency. (and heather and i caught a glimpse of what we thought was that "certain little boy" rocking out to paramore)
so then no doubt took a good while to set up, and for good reason, because when they finally came out, they had like, what looked to be the most expensive stage set up in the history of live music. it was really intense! and gwen stefani? yeah, she's like, the classiest maniac i've ever laid eyes on! but she looks GREAT. like, forreal, she's got killer abs. they opened up with spider webs, which heather and i were freaking out because that's arguably my favorite no doubt song. they played all of their hits, and a lot of old stuff too (like off of rock steady), but i was really excited that they played ex-girlfriend. and when they played i'm just a girl, it was so hysterical. and i think it might have been....bathwater? or something else....but i think it was during bathwater, the background was seriously awesome. it was just undescribable. oh! and the last song they played was sunday morning, and it was just so great. there were 17,500 people there according to reese. (who also went) they just played so many great songs, and it was just super awesome in every aspect. especially when they played hey baby and don't speak, because everyone was singing and dancing along.

:) i'm soooo glad we went, even if we did get home at 1:30 this morning. and i had to go to school today too D: but mom let me sleep in until eight, miraculously. oh, and then this afternoon i babysat for several hours, but i just made enough money to pay my mom back for the ticket she bought me yesterday.
so i think next on the agenda is 311? OH YES.
and then every avenue? YES.
and then warped??!! FO SHIZZLE
and THEN incubus?!?!?! UH HUH!
:)
i'm so stoked for this summer like you have no ideaaaa!!!
:)
oh, and i also finished my adalia reduction prints today. they're up on twitter nao in twitpic links. and then tomorrow is square bear's birthday partaaaay. this week is just full of so much win. :)
AND! tomorrow's the last full day.

wheezes and sneezes

2009-06-09T23:56:00.002-04:00

actually, i'm not even sick.
today i went after school with wesley and brenna to this fancy french restaurant. it was for french club/french national honor society. it was so much fun! well, even though i took them to my house and it was super messy and gross inside, and then we got lost trying to find this elusive 'pearl.' i had a really good time. i tried foods that i wouldn't usually have, like pureed french onion soup? and quiche with spinach! and frozen rose petals, which apparently the french eat like candy?
either way, we had this delicious chocolate....thing...? i'm not really even sure what exactly it was, but it was deeeelish! not one person had something bad to say about it!
off to work on my world history project that's due tomorrow that's nagging at the back of my mind. ugh.

oh! and i'm pretty positive we're going to no doubt tomorrow night. :D

like pulling teeth!

2009-06-07T23:10:00.002-04:00

OKAY! so i'll try to make this blog post not with the same monotonous tone and mood that i feel the majority of my previous melancholy posts have had! WOOOO! can i get an amen?!
this weekend was outta sight! (ha not really at all!) i did however, get to attend my first wedding on saturday, which was SA-WEEET! honestly, i thought the first wedding i'd go to was my own. buuuut nope! square bear's mom's waaaas! and i'm way happy for her, because she seems so happy, and from what i hear, he's a pretty solid dude, but i'm sad because i DO NOT want square bear to move. :( she was supposed to help me with chemistry next year.
lindsey's mom drove me to the beach where it happened. but before that!!! oh man, so i was walking up to her front door, and there's like, this huge epic bunny sitting there eating clovers in her yard, and it was like, SO CUTE and black and clearly someone's pet bunny, because it had a little collar WITH A LITTLE BELL!! it jingled as it hopped away. and lindsey's a turd who won't go take pictures of it, because apparently it's still living in her yard.
anyway, andrew came over tonight and i had to try and help him write this awful paper for school on lord of the flies. i'll come right out and say it, it was VERY similar to pulling teeth. and that's no joke. his first sentence was, "lord of the files has a lot of evil nature in it." YES, LORD OF THE FILES, NOT FLIES. i promptly crumpled up the paper and made him start over. he finally got it done, after much ado, (well, he's actually doing it tomorrow in spanish...) and we took him home at like, 10:13. i know. on a school night even!
soooooo i guess it's time to rumba today.
eight days of school left. wooooot woooot.
french speaking/listening exam tomorrow, as well as free response math.
wish me luck!

hannah

2009-06-05T17:34:00.002-04:00

hannah always inspires me to write in my blog. she's like, my becca neal of this year. (no, not implying that you've been replaced becca neal!) it's just, she's in my homeroom and p.e. class, just like becca neal was last year, and she also wrote something very very sweet in my yearbook, just as becca neal had. hannah's a really good friend to me, and i'm grateful for that.
sometimes i feel like i'm not as good of a friend to her as i should be. or, rather, like i'm not good enough to be her friend.
she's always got this really good outlook on everything-just read her blog.
i don't know, but it's just something about her that's really great friend quality, and i'm really happy she was in my homeroom this year. sometimes i even forget how much younger than me she is, because she doesn't act like it at all. oh, and she's a really great listener also. she'll tell you that the first conversation that i ever had with her was about these guy problems i had. even though she didn't know me at all, she still listened to me. and she doesn't mind the fact that i'm weird sometimes....a lot. haha.

her, and morgan, well, and now reese too, i guess, are my favorite freshmen at school. they're just all so cute and sweet, and i really love talking to them at the end of class every day. i hope i get to see them next year too.

and i'm dead serious about fazoli's this summer. july 20th, i'mma take you both there.
:)

2009-06-03T22:06:00.001-04:00

Busy busy busy and beat beat beat like a buzzing bumbling bee!

2009-06-02T22:44:00.001-04:00

Yeah, that's right.

fixation-

2009-06-01T21:28:00.002-04:00

so basically, i don't like to start the month out this way, because i certainly feel like i'm off on the wrong foot, but here's the story so far:
this girl (it's not who you think it is for once) who i don't know clearly has it out for MY BOYFRIEND, and with each passing day, i get more and more infuriated with this fact. although she's been told time and time again to step the heck off, she's being too persistent, and she's talking badly about me to him. (she doesn't know me, mind you) i've cried so many times about this nonsense, and i'm working on forgiving him for what he's done, but it's hard and it's definitely going to take some time. yes, it helps that he's defending me in ways, but it doesn't help that he's still talking to her via text messages, and she's saying things like, "she's blinding you by liking her," and "you just can't see what she's doing." and oh, my personal favorite, "she's only thinking of herself."
GEE THAT'S FUNNY. BECAUSE IF SHE WASN'T ONLY THINKING OF HERSELF, NONE OF THIS CRAP WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. but it is. and you know what? i'm absolutely sick of it.
raise your hand if you think that my boyfriend of seven months shouldn't even be talking to some other girl if he claims he loves me.
now with your hands still raised, how many of you agree that it's wrong in so many ways for this girl to be going after her 'friend' who she KNOWS has a girlfriend?
how many of you put your hands down?
yeah, me either.

it's just so frustrating to me, because now she's talking about how 'amazing' saturday was, and how she 'hopes there can be more days like that.' *see me for full story if i haven't already ranted.
**see also the rules we set for girls like this.

i'm just so pissed off. i'm just done.
i'm done being angry,
i'm done justifying myself to these STUPID GIRLS (and that includes all of them),
and i'm just done crying about it.

but you know what? i'm NOT done with this relationship,
and it's going to take a LOT more than some dumb girl to ruin everything we have. i'm not going to give up, you hear me? this means too much to me to just let it all go for the likes of you, and i'm willing to freaking fight for it, got it?

(steps off soapbox)
have an enchanting evening kids.

temper temper

2009-05-30T21:10:00.004-04:00

i'm so angry right now, that if i wasn't me, and i were someone else, i wouldn't want to be around hayley todd in fear of losing my limbs. i'd say, "gee willikers, hayley todd is such a hypocrite for saying she'd be alright!"
today has been such failure.
you have no idea.

I HOPE YOU HAD FUN WITH HER.
THANKS A LOT.

philisophical musings pt. deux

2009-05-29T15:13:00.008-04:00

on this day one year ago i began this blog.
since that day, i've posted 301 entries, with this being the 302nd.
i can't believe i've kept up with it as well as i have! i know there have been times when i post very little to none at all, but all in all, i'd like to think i've done a pretty good job. i tell everyone to start a blog, because after a few months go by, it's nice to just look back and see what you wrote or how you were feeling then, you know? it's...astonishing how many things can change in just one year!
i.e., when i started this blog i had said, "i'm not really sure who's going to read this." boy was i wrong. at one point there were at least twenty people avidly reading my blog.
and it's weird to think that i'd had my blog for five months before anything about this 'a walker' fellow even began to appear. and now, he's mentioned in seven month's worth of posts. looking back, the first time i'd even mentioned him was sunday, october 12. and that's when we were just friends. :) and then you can read the entries after that that all have little hints and stuff peppered throughout. it's so funny, we used to be so shy!
oh, and my entries from over the summer? they're hilarious in comparison to the ones of from the schoolyear. you can tell where the priorities were.
i want it to be another fantastic summer this year like it was last year. except i'll have some new company this year :) but it's sure to be great. i know it. plus, i'll have a car!

wow, the tone of this post sure is a lot different than my first ever post, huh?
maybe i'll be addicted to my blog again this summer. :)
i hope so.

i'm out to babysit nao.

wealth & desire

2009-05-27T21:17:00.002-04:00

horribly shallow as it may be, i can't help but have this one thought on my mind.
i guess you could say i'm....'jealous?' or envious, rather, not of other people per say, but in my own way, i suppose. it makes sense to me in my little ever-rationalizing brain, but i guess i can't compute the thoughts so well into words as for you dear reader.
in plain english, i guess it equates to 'i wish i was pretty.' which in a way makes sense. it's just...i see all these girls walking around at school in their perfect little outfits, with their perfect hair, and their flawless makeup that more than likely cost more than the standard walgreens brand. it's just frustrating to me, that these girls with their apparent lack in moral character are all gorgeous. on the outside at least. the girls i'm referring to are all vicious gossipers and liars who sleep around with anyone and get wasted every weekend. that's not what i'd like to be like. but for once, just once, i'd like to feel pretty about myself, like i'm just as nice looking as they are, without the fake-'n'-bake tan.
it seems like no matter what i do to my appearance, it's always just lackluster. i feel like everyone else is beautiful, and i'm still waiting for the awkward childish stage to recede. well, not so much 'childish' because in my mind i've come a long way, but i just wish that i could feel adult and pretty for once.
i guess the reason for this post and all its shallow nature is because my hair is the source for most of my current frustration. i just can't get it to do the things i want. i mean, not that i ever really could, but now it's just getting ridiculous. i finally lost patience and cut my bangs. i've been attempting to grow them out since december, but tonight i finally just decided to cut them. not that they look much different, but it still feels like the same frustrations, just in a new way. my hair is too dark, too short, too fried, too unruly. i'm sick of dealing with it.
anyway, it's just what i've been thinking about for the last few hours.
nothing really important. it's not like a blog post will change anything.
i wish i was one of those people that's just naturally pretty like brenna or alyssa. :/

300 & schedules

2009-05-25T20:23:00.003-04:00

this here? marks my 300th post! can you imagine?
what' more, in.....four? yes, in four days, i'll have had this very blog for a year.
it's so strange! i can't believe how much my posts are lacking in quality lately. i mean, i'm just getting by as it is, posting these dreadful single line posts via mobile in hopes that it should actually count for something, eh?
regardless, i was feeling rather bored, which led to the creation of this post i reckon.
i think i was going to make a schedule....yes, alright. hmmm. here goes:

MAY: (or the latter half, at least)
-friday, 5/29/09; i've officially been blogging for a year!

JUNE:
-monday, 6/1/09; square bear's 16th birthday!
-thursday, 6/4/09; heather's 18th birthday, becca neal's 16th birthday!
-saturday, 6/6/09; square bear's mom's wedding!
-thursday, 6/11/09; no doubt with paramore @the ampitheatre!
-friday, 6/12/09; beginning of exams D:
-saturday, 6/13/09; heather's graduation!
-mon-wed, 6/15-17/09; final exam week! (half days as well)
-mon-fri, 6/15-19/09; (tenatively) behind the wheel!!
-wednesday, 6/17/09; last day of sophomore year!
-saturday, 6/20/09; c1rca skate team @baltimore, md
-sunday, 6/21/09; official start of summer '09!
-tuesday, 6/30/09; MEGASENTZ'S 17TH BIRTHDAY! :)

JULY:
-wednesday, 7/1/09; 311 with ziggy marley @the ampitheatre!
-saturday, 7/4/09; independence day!
-monday, 7/6/09; EVERY AVENUE @the norva!
-monday, 7/13/09; lindsey's mom's and my mom's birthdays!
-tuesday, 7/14/09; officially a liscenced driver!
-tues-sat; 7/14-18/09; palmyra, ny trip with church?
-wednesday, 7/22/09; WARPED TOUR @THE AMPITHEATRE!!!
-wednesday, 7/22/09; grace's 16th birthday!

AUGUST:
-saturday, 8/1/09; nine months for andrew and me! <3
-tuesday, 8/11/09; incubus w/ the fam fam @the ampitheatre!

:D :D it's gonna be a buuuuuuusy summer! hopefully we can squeeze in some vacations, and most definitely pencil in a visit from the great megasenter!
:)

scorched earth (in relation)

2009-05-24T23:53:00.001-04:00

they say the darkest hour is just before the dawn.
but i've been up all night just desperate for the sun.

scorched earth, eh?
taking away your enemies' advantages before they're able to put them to use?
...i think i can work with that. i'm almost positive i'm on the right track, but i won't know until i read the next installment really. i wish megan were here to help me out with all this. ha, it's what we should have been doing before the show last saturday.

in other news, i get to go to square bear's mom's wedding two weeks from yesterday. i'm reaaaally excited because i've never been to a wedding before! it should be pretty fantastic.
also....whoa, i know i had something else to say.....
............................
oh yeah! i actually read lord of the flies out of boredom today.
i'm disappointed because i thought they ate eachother? but i guess i was wrong?
haha i'm missing out on that cannibal action i suppose. maybe i'll go rent pirates of the carribean.
NO. i really don't like that movie anyway.
off to google i reckon. or wikipedia or something of that nature.
so long for now kiddos.
enjoy your day off school tomorrow.

2009-05-24T00:22:00.001-04:00

This time a week ago i was riding around with megan without a care in the world. Pure ecstasy. :)

2009-05-24T00:15:00.001-04:00

I guess you could say i'm obsessed...again. :) three cheers for ML summer number twoooo!

2009-05-22T23:38:00.001-04:00

This week went by rather fast. And to think megan was here just a week ago. :( i miss last friday-sunday.

i like your eyes wide

2009-05-20T22:22:00.002-04:00

so i guess just about everyone knows what i'm planning on saying here.
remember those days just after warped tour? when all i could talk (blog) about was how great and amazing madina lake was?
this is one of those days.
it's just...they have this insane effect on me that just consumes my thoughts proceeding their shows. seriously folks, i'm having trouble keeping my mind on anything else. that show, i really think was life changing. for one, it was the first really intimate show i've ever been to. i sincerely hope that i can see them again in such a setting.
you just have no idea.
well, megan does, but she's wishing for a time machine just as bad as i am right now.
i cannot wait until warped tour. and on the plus side, i know better this year. much better.
things are harder now. school, friends...life in general.
i needed that show so very badly and to think it almost didn't happen....
i don't know what i would have done.
i suppose i wouldn't know any better at this point, but it's inconceivable to think of how upset i would have been had megan and i not been able to go. although i've only seen them two times, both times, i've felt such a connection, and i know that's what they're going for.
after all, they do always ask the RP to come 'escape' with them, if only for a night. :)
yeah, you'll have to hear about it for at least another week, if not two.
apologies in advance.

QUIZ

2009-05-19T20:58:00.001-04:00

how well do you know me?

experience:

2009-05-18T15:13:00.005-04:00

haha nathan saw me recording and got all up in my face!
welcome to oblivion!

now or never!
ohhhhh how i love madina lake!!!

please excuse my dreadful singing. :)

oh, and NO ZOOM was used in either one, of course!

my insanely awesome weekend (feat. bff&ML)

2009-05-17T20:30:00.003-04:00

SO.
i'm not even going to begin this post with some witty banter that took me ten minutes to come up with. instead, i'm going to flat out say that i've just had one of the best weekends of my life. seriously. it. was. AWESOME.
it began with the end of school on friday. i said goodbye to andrew and got in skunk, so i could hurry home and finish cleaning my house. ordinarily, i don't like to spend my friday afternoons cleaning, but there was a very special occasion occuring. megan left her house at 3:00 to drive aaaalllllllll the way up here to stay over at my house. for just one weekend! but there's a catch. see, madina lake, aka, the best thing since sliced bread was playing in virginia friday and saturday night, and no matter what, the two of us were going! so megan arrived in good ol' bad news at around 6:30 that evening. incidentally, the weather was pretty dreadful, but not so much that the power would go out.
.....well, it did. for five hours. so i welcomed my traveled friend into our dark house lit only with a few small candles and whatever daylight remained through the gloomy clouds outside. anyway, we ended up not having gross frozen pizza for dinner, because the power was out. instead we treated megan to her first experience at plaza azteca, where she delightedly ordered 'vegetarian d' from the menu. :)
the power was still out when we returned to my house around 8:30. my street was eerily dark, and really creepy! but fortunately, the power came back on around 10:00, so my dad could fix skunk. (we almost didn't get to go see madina play because our car, skunk was having mechanical issues) megan and i talked foreverrrrrr! well, until we went to bed at least. :) and we made up even more inside jokes. haha shi-thead!
so saturday, (aka yesterday) was the day of the concert. megan and i were both well aware that madina lake was infact, in the same state as us for once! and that we were really going to see them later in the day! it was just a dream, i swear. basically, megan and i spent majority of the morning fooling around, talking, and getting ready for our date with madina! :) (just rethinking the day is making me so excited) well, that and a small endeavor to my mom's office and food lion where we bought berry cherry vitamin water!
then 3:30 rolled around. megan, heather, and i loaded up in skunk and left to go pick up robbin, and were on our way to madina lake. granted, the way there had its.....difficulties, including a visible wall of rain, a 5 1/2 mile back up before the bridge, which caused an hour's worth of traffic on 64, and of course, megan and i chugging our afore mentioned berry cherries, and having to be supreme whiz kids!
finally, after much ado, the four of us made it to club relevant in virginia beach around 5:40. (but first we had to make a pit stop at hardee's and pee!) we got our tickets at will call, and walked in the TINIEST PLACE I HAVE EVER BEEN IN. of course, this was after we passed the shelf of bibles and various church materials. so, megan and i were up on the very very left hand side of the stage adjacent to the speakers. at first we were nervous about the IDIOTS attempting to hardcore dance during the first horrible no-name local opener for the opener, but we eased up a lot when the second decent local band took the stage. their name was audiostrobelight, and they were pretty baller status, i'm not gonna lie. between each set leading up to madina lake, the four of us took turns casually strolling into the main room to walk past a long hallway in hopes of catching a glimpse or two of the various members in madina lake. (mainly mateo, i.e. pontimus's perch, hahahaha)
the third band, 'closure in moscow' were.....interesting, to say the least. usually i don't like to be rude, but the lead singer looked like he was having a perpetual orgasm. i'm not really quite sure what was going on. they were aussies, so i reckon i have to give them some kind of a break. the music wasn't bad, either, it was just......strange. hahaha. and he wasn't wearing shoes. i was worried he'd get a splinter.
so let's recap our position, shall we? at this point, megan was sitting on the knee-high stage during the time between sets. i was behind her, in a way that gave me a perfect view of the stage, even though i wasn't necessarily 'on it' myself. there were two girls infront of me, but i was essentially two feet away from whoever was performing at any given time.
'the sleeping,' the band right before madina came out, and were trying to be so hardcore. i've come to realize that i've you're even slightly overweight you cannot pull off hardcore. this guy singing, er, yelling? had some jello hanging over his belt buckle that was exposed whenever he tried to dance and move around. plus, this dude had a nose piercing that looked like a bead of sweat that just refused to fall. so they 'ripped the room apart' for half an hour or so, when their set was over the fat guy who aspired to be in 'bane' proceeded to grab heather's, megan's, and my hand with his big sweaty one. which they wiped on me. but i do have to give the sleeping props for their killer lightshow. it was on point.
SO FINALLY, they began setting up for madina lake at 9:45. we struggled to see what we thought was the setlist taped to the wall, but it turned out to be a schedule of their loading times and whatnot. five minutes later, a guy came out and taped the actual setlist to the speakers right infront of megan, and we were delighted to see 'welcome to oblivion' and 'PANDORA!' the roadies unveiled the light-up lettering that read 'MADINA' on one side of the stage and 'LAKE' on the other. my heart was beating so soooo fast at that point. we then heard the opening notes of 'lila,' and everyone started screaming as the lights went down, and MADINA LAKE read across the stage in red. suddenly, the four of them ran out onstage, and i was screaming so loud along with everyone else in the front including megan and heather. and then nathan was like, '1 2 3 4!' and they started playing 'adalia.' it was too exciting to even begin to explain. megan, heather, and i were screaming so loud to adalia, and matthew leone was right in front of us! then of course, heather was freaking out about how gorgeous the twins are. oh! and matthew posed for me! when they came out i had my camera ready, and we swear that he stood still just so i could get a picture! and a picture i had, my friends. it's adorable.
so then they played an amazing set, the four of us were freaking out about how great they were, and we noticed that matthew was staring at ME almost the entire show. even heather noticed, because she was slapping my arm and saying "OHMYGOD HE'S STARING RIGHT AT YOU!!!!!!!" on many an occasion. and he really was. so after every few songs, when me and megan were freaking out and clapping and screaming our heads off, matthew was like, mouthing 'thank you' at us. you don't understand how much i was jumping around. well, megan would too, but she couldn't exactly without falling ON the stage. haha. but basically, we were screaming all the words of every song, because let's face it, we love madina lake. favorite band status, obviously. so anyway, to prove matthew really loves me even more, at one point during the show, he held his hand out for me, and i grabbed it, not realizing that he was trying to hand me a pick directly! so i was so dumb, and i dropped it, but i picked it up again, and was freaking out, because matthew leone just decided to HAND GIVE ME a pick. he plays bass. they don't use picks. :)
okay, okay. so THEN, at the end of the show, they were going to play 'not for this world' off of attics, but they didn't because nathan's voice couldn't take it, so they were like, 'what should we play next?' (this was after heather had screamed her head off to true love, of course) and people were yelling out suggestions, and robbin said STARS! but then i screamed STARRRRSSSS!!! and nathan's like, 'let's do.....stars...' and so then they started playing it, and i'm like YES MADINA LAKE LOVES ME.
so basically, their set was EPIC, and we met them after the show. matthew was so amazingly nice, and he made a b-line for us when they came out. we got hugs and pictures with all of them, and we talked to them collectively for at least ten minutes.
oh, and megan finally realized her dream of meeting mateo.
finally.
so anyway, when we were talking to matthew, i was like, "you guys are soooo amazing! blah blah blah" and he was like, "no you made the show" and i was like HA MADINA LAKE LOVES ME! and he called me darling....AGAIN. :)
so anyway, after the show (and a failed attempt at inviting mateo with us and offering to buy him a pony) the four of us, megan, heather, robbin and i went to ihop, and enjoyed rigorous conversation about how amazing the show was, as well as funny face pancakes.
and then we rode around in the dark for two hours, before finally making it back to our house around one in the morning.
best show ever.
best weekend ever.
it made me love my life.
and-
HAHA MADINA LAKE LOVES ME!

saturday

2009-05-12T13:11:00.005-04:00

apologies if you can hear me singing obnoxiously, but this is one of the best videos i've ever recorded at a concert.
enjoi:

alignment

2009-05-12T11:42:00.004-04:00

today i stayed home from school because i'm sick.
similar to last school year, i can't hear anything out of my right ear, and it's getting old fast. my mom asked if i wanted to schedule a doctor's appointment for this afternoon, but i said no in fear of the nurse trying to wash my ear out. (cue flashback to november '07's moaning for vicodin)
i just want to be able to completely hear out of my ear again. it's such a pain to have blurred up sounds and noises on one side of your head. i feel like i'm totally out of balance or something.
while that bit of news is all fair and nice, the brightside is the upcoming weekend!
megan's coming up on friday, spending the night, and going to madina lake with me on saturday! we are ungodly amounts of excited for this. it's been foooooorever since we've seen madina lake, and a month exactly since we've seen each other. i cannot wait for this show.
plus, i'm sincerely hoping they play a lot of stuff from attics to eden, especially not for this world, and welcome to oblivion. :)
(i just hope my ear's not giving me too much trouble by then) i've been taking sudafed religiously in hopes that i'll feel better, but my nose is still alternating between being stuffy and runny, i still have a cough, and my ear is an utmost annoyance.
also, i've been making it a concious effort to update my twitter more, so if you have one, follow me at: twitter.com/hayleytodd.
i reckon right now, i'm missing earth science. i can't help but wonder what we're doing in there today. i'm so hungry and bloaty and sore, oh, i forgot to mention-saturday i went shopping with my mom. apparently, i am the easiest and most simplistic person to shop for because this is the list of my purchases:

two bras of the same brand, style, size, and color, which was of course, white.
two pairs of pants from pacsun (HERMOSA SKINNY JEANS FINALLLYYYYY) in the same wash, size, style, and length.
two pairs of old navy flip flops-BUT different colors, white and black (how's that for switching it up?)
and finally, a bottle of 'rain kissed leaves' lotion from bath and body works. we walked into the store, i already knew what i had in mind, i picked up the bottle, paid, and left.

anyway,
i'm still sick, and i caved. i called my mom and asked her to try to schedule me for the doctor today.
:(
wish me luck.

2009-05-11T22:42:00.001-04:00

Five days.

2009-05-10T22:25:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the scanty updates lately. I'll be back tomorrow, i swear. I'm just trying to post at this point.

2009-05-09T17:51:00.001-04:00

Madina lake, one week from today. Can i get an amen?!

2009-05-07T22:21:00.001-04:00

I AM SO OVERWHELMED.

rome

2009-05-05T23:30:00.002-04:00

I'm done with research paper hell. Happy cinco de mayo. :)

like a library book

2009-05-04T20:46:00.015-04:00

these pictures are overdue!
:0

4/25/09-believers never die, pt deux; columbia, md:

5/2/09-botanical gardens, norfolk, va::)

lately i've been thinking

2009-05-04T15:54:00.002-04:00

a lot in french. it's weird. for instance, i was reading in my blog, and scratching my foot, and i looked down and thought, "je pense que j'aie le pied athletique." or, "i think that i have athlete's foot..." this morning heather and i were sitting in the school parking lot, and that deathcab for cutie song, i will posess your heart came on. it was weird because i could think of over half of the words in the song in french. (i.e. je connais que tu trouvai 'love' je sera 'posess' ton coeur)
weird.
anyway, today sucked, obviously.
andrew wasn't at school, and i had to write our entire paper for our dante's inferno project alone. i was really stressed and upset about it. my legs were shaking the entire time. luckily i didn't have to present though, which would have been horrible alone.
when i got home, andrew called, but shortly after starting to have a conversation, adam came over to his house, so he hung up with me. he doesn't seem to understand why i'm upset.
whatever.
i don't even care. i just want to see him, but he's probably all mad at me now or something.
i think i'll just go take a nap, although i need to go to the library soon.
naps just make me feel better.
but isn't that what a boyfriend's supposed to do?

2009-05-03T22:21:00.001-04:00

I understand now. Love is real.

2009-05-02T23:48:00.001-04:00

"you're like, the variable. You know, the exception to the rule."

ironic

2009-05-02T16:53:00.001-04:00

i posted that single sentence from my phone last night, as i was trying desperately not to fall asleep long enough to post. is it a coincidence that it posted at precisely 11:11 pm?
:)
for some reason, i'm thinking not.

six

2009-05-01T23:11:00.002-04:00

Happy six months a walker. I love you more than you could ever know :)

phobos

2009-04-30T17:43:00.002-04:00

as i sit here, typing this in the delirious manner in which i just ingested a particularly delicious cup of strawberry whipped yogurt, i can't help but to contemplate my lack of posts this month. maybe it's because i've been out of town so much, maybe it's just that i've been so very lazy this month. whatever the reason, i've found it in myself to actually write a new post today, about nothing in particular....again.
the truth is, i just woke up. similar to the play tonight at school, i feel as if i'm a zombie right now. this week has been bizarre. both long and short. today was mistaken for friday several times, both by people around me as well as my teachers. it's just one of those thursdays that can't possibly still be thursday. everyone around me has been terribly annoying lately. people have been acting so strangely lately, and i'm not really sure what to think anymore. sort of like the twilight zone, a bit, i think. as much as i'd love to mention specific examples of this, i can't, in fear of people becoming upset with me. for some reason people don't like it when i blog about them. (oh how i can't imagine why ;) actually, yes i can give an example.
so yesterday, in pe, we had to play tennis, right? my skills at tennis are very lacking, and our teacher was "observing our games," as she put it. needless to say, as soon as she walked over to our court, my pathetic skills became far worse, if even possible. and to top it off, she made me serve. long story short, i couldn't serve the ball over the net for the life of me, and as soon as she walked away, i said, "i'll bet i can hit it now" and i had the best serve i'll probably ever have in my life.
oh, i thought of another one:
we had a french quiz two days ago on the subjonctif clause. said quiz had a grand total of seven questions, two of which, i answered wrong. i got a d.
frankly, i'm sick of everyone's cynicism. thank god it's friday tomorrow.
friday friday friday.
promptly after school tomorrow, i'm leaving with andrew and going to ihop. it's our six month anniversary tomorrow, and it's just about the only good thing to happen this week. (aside from the 'a' i got on a math quiz and the $8 i randomly found in my bag) he wrote me an appalingly sweet note today, and it really gave me an idea about how much he really does care about me. (even if no one else does but megan) six months is an important milestone, right? it is to me, it's half of a year, after all. just think, in another six months, i'll be seventeen. :0 what i'm trying to say is, i can't believe i'm this lucky to be in a relationship as good as i am. trust me, i'm going to do whatever i can to make it the best and the longest, because andrew means so much to me. he really does. go ahead, roll your eyes and shrug off another 'high school relationship.' but i know there's something different with andrew and me. there has to be. :)

that's all for now, i suppose. until i grow a brain.

2009-04-29T20:06:00.001-04:00

I just have no idea what's going on anymore. :0

believers actually don't die

2009-04-26T21:03:00.002-04:00

my weekend, which is now coming to a close, was indescribably amazing in every sense of the word.
don't buy it, eh? (you should, otherwise stop reading here) i'll key you, dear reader, in on some events that ocurred at the believers never die tour, pt. deux.
school on friday dragged by. fortunately, that seventh period final bell rang at precisely 2:05, and i literally hopped my happy way out of my english room. i couldn't believe that it was really april 24th. as i walked with andrew out of school, i met up with lindsey at the end of the breeze way to walk home with her. i slept over at her house that night, and together we imagined what awaited us the next day.
we set our alarms for 9:00 to wake us, so as not to be late to get ready. we had a HUGE day ahead. lindsey, her mom, and i promptly left the house at 10:00 to pick up her sister in richmond. our final destination was columbia, maryland. our reason? fall out boy was headlining the believers never die pt. deux tour in columbia, and there was NO way we were going to miss out. after a very long drive and many 'i'mma whiz kid' complaints from myself, we finally checked into the marriot hotel. half an hour later, lindsey and i went to the venue, the merriwether pavillion, to stand in line. (it was 3:30) although gates didn't open until five, we decided that we might as well go ahead and go then. the line was absolutely ridiculous, and it was 95 degree weather. you do the math. finally, after much ado, lindsey and i had our tickets scanned, and our wristbands on. the only thing left to do? find a seat. yes, unfortunately, the floor was off limits to anyone lacking a gold wristband. thankfully, the wonderful loren foster saved us two seats in about the tenth row from the stage. not ideal, but we were grateful we had seats at all. it was a madhouse in there. it eventually got to the point that every single seat was full, and the lawn was packed with people, which hardly ever happens. we were mad that the front section of seats were blocked off, and yet people were still going to sit in them escorted by the staff. we later found out during all time low's set that it was actually reserved for their friends and families, because after all, we were in maryland, their hometown. i really don't care for all time low, but i'll admit, they were great last night, and it'd be super ignorant for me to say otherwise. (although they DO speak like small woodland creatures)
hey monday was the opener, followed by cobra starship, who were really ON POINT. i don't think i've ever seen them that great before. obviously they're always really really good, but something about them last night made them infallibly amazing. they had everyone on their feet, screaming and dancing. and, their set was really great as well. i was somewhat annoyed by the fact that they didn't have as much stage time as 50 cent.
speaking of, he performed after all time low, right before fall out boy. everyone clearly thought it was ridiculous that he was even on the tour at all. (but we all took the chance to release our 'inner g' regardless) and there was even this older couple grinding on each other! SICK! loren and her friend and i were laughing so hard at them.
finally, 50 cent left the stage, and everyone knew what was next. i couldn't believe that it was actually happening. it was insane. nothing gives me the rush of adrenaline that i get before fall out boy takes the stage. (well, maybe except madina...) the opening organ of 'disloyal order' came over the blackened stage, and immediately i started screaming my head off. fall out boy came out in suits and ties, and patrick was even wearing a wig! it was hilarious, to say the least, and the song.....oh my god, it was even better live. they played everything i wanted them to and sooo much stuff off of folie a deux. the best part was, they didn't play a bunch of needless stuff from infinity on high, (don't get me wrong, i love 'don't you know who i think i am') and from what i could tell, a lot of the people attending knew more than just singles. OH AND SHE'S MY WINONA. arguably the best song on that cd! i couldn't believe they played she's my winona. it was amazing. patrick even talked before it! he was like, "hi, i'm patrick, and i'm going to teach you something. i'll say it, and you repeat after me. we're gonna do it twice." so then he's like, "whoooaaaaaaaaa oh" and the whole crowd repeated it, and instantly i knew, so i started freaking out. i gots a video of it tooooo :) alright, alright. so the final highlight of the evening, was the two last songs. once they started dance dance, i knew that saturday would be last, because that's always the order on every tour. so during the very beginning of saturday, i grabbed the 'happy birthday hat' i made patrick, and scooted out of my row, down toward the floor. i asked the guard infront of the pit if i could go down there for a second, and she said it was fine! so i ran into the pit (which was significantly smaller than it had been) and made a sweet video of saturday, which would have been sweeter if my hands would have been steady. for those of you who don't know, 'saturday' is just about my favorite fall out boy song of all time. it's a big deal when they play it, because i get really worked up and emotional, especially during the part that goes, 'i read about the afterlife, but i never really lived.' see, the thing about 'saturday' live, is during that part, pete wentz ALWAYS stage dives into the crowd. luckily for me (i was toward the right of the crowd) pete jumped to the left part. why does this matter? simply because i was front and center of patrick during my favorite part of my favorite song. yeah, it happens. to make things better, i threw the hat then, as i was freaking out, and i KNOW that it made it over the barricade. maybe he did get it after all. :) i'm glad lindsey and i could go. it was amazing. i'm so lucky she took me. she didn't have to.
so after the show, it took me a while to overcome all the amazingness that had just happened. during the car ride home, i begged and begged for some hi-c punch-juice-whatever to drink. we went to mc donald's after driving back to the hotel parking lot and forming a 'game plan.' haha. after purchasing the 'biggest hi-c money can buy' and some chicken nuggets, we returned to the hotel. immediately entering the parking lot my heart stopped. there was a big, black/brown bus with a black trailer attatched attempting to park itself in the lot. long story short, lindsey and i stalked the bus with hopes of it containing a band. we still remain convinced that it was a band, because they were gone very early today.
so anyway, that's my summary of my wonderful weekend.
it was absolutely divine.
nothing could describe the way i felt about fall out boy last night. :)

2009-04-21T22:41:00.001-04:00

I'm just upset.

severity

2009-04-20T21:50:00.002-04:00

for once i find myself posting from the comfort of my downstairs, enjoying the pains of trying to type away on this blasted laptop. (see 3rd post) this is highly unusual, because a) i'm downstairs, and b) my mom is adjacent to me on the couch. currently, i'm trying to watch 'intervention' on a&e, while avoiding my gaze from the ever creepy 'paranormal state' commercials.
anyway, i reckon it's about time that i blog. i haven't posted a real entry since last week, and it's more than a good time to post, i suppose.
today was terrifying.
the weather forecast for the last few days has said that we should expect thunderstorms, with the possibility of some being severe on monday. well, it is monday, and actually, monday's almost over, but these storms aren't....yet. the 'tornado watch' that was issued around four thirty expires in seven minutes, but i'm still scared, honestly. to tell the truth, i don't really know where these terrible weather anxieties have come from, but i almost passed out at andrew's house today when i heard we were under that watch. around eight, there was this 'severe cell' moving quickly toward my area. although the watch ended at 8:30, we didn't see anything remotely severe. not rain, or winds. nothing. but hey, i'm NOT complaining. weather terrifies me. why, i'm not sure, but it does.
why can't i find anything else to write about other than the weather? this is pathetic. it's like awkward small talk with strangers. "oh, well, the weather today is....severe...?" yeah, that would mae great conversation, i'm sure.
on the bright side, it's almost tomorrow, putting an end to this storm-system-anxiety-fiasco, and making me one day closer to fall out boy. :) five daaaays!
maybe i shouldn't say this, maybe i should, but i guess it's apt to mention that andrew's been worrying me lately. he just hasn't been himself, the person that i'm in love with. it's really difficult to see him like this, but i know it's going to be over soon, i know it.
*i just found out that there was a tornado in newport news, but we just must have completely missed it. andrew swears up and down that he saw a tornado, and the local news is saying that there was in fact, a tornado.
we're holding out for may first. six months, and andrew's ability to walk should be regained.
i'm going to be so happy for him. :)

i suppose i'm done tonight. i have been summoned to end this entry.
peace.

2009-04-19T21:39:00.001-04:00

Six days. My shirt is reaching completion. After a few sewing machine mishaps, it's nearly done. We'll see how this ends. Pictures later. :)

i've lost my head again

2009-04-16T15:52:00.002-04:00

haha! tomorrow's friday already. hallelujah, thank god. school gets more and more dreadful by the day as we apparently inch closer and closer to the end of the year. the funny thing is, i don't think i want to be a junior quite yet. certainly my class won't have the very rigid rivalry that the current junior and senior classes seem to share, right? at least i hope not. i find that the class of '11 is far more advanced than any other class at our school. we always have the most kids on the honor roll. (the only reason that's a bad thing, is because it makes it harder for my class rank to increase because of my egghead peers) regardless, it's coming, and sadly, there's nothing i can do about it. at least i'll be capable of driving myself to school come september.
as for other items of news, tax season's over, so now everyone can relax, and my mother has her life back. andrew claims he's getting straight a's in school this marking period (except for in spanish). we'll see how that ends up. also, megan might quite possibly be coming up here for madina lake in may! i really really do hope that she can. it seriously would NOT be the same if she wasn't able to make it. we're going to try and meet them again at the show, and i think heather's taking me up there, so she should be happy as well (she thinks the leone twins are hawt). of course, the believers never die (pt. deux) countdown has finally reached single digits finally, as there are merely NINE DAYS until i get to see fall out boy with lindsey. :) we're making shirts for it tomorrow, and i'm making mr. stump a hat with a birthday message on it. (his birthday is the 27th, two days after)

so basically, there's a lot going on lately, i'm not exactly feeling all of what i didn't write, but i'll tell you one thing, i'm really diggin' attics to eden a whole lot. :)
oh! and congrats becca neal with her new boyyyy ;)

mobile

2009-04-15T20:34:00.005-04:00

I'm in a better mood now :) and i can't believe i get to see fall out boy in ten days! Almost nine! :D i'm in my car right now, and i'm totally loving this mobile blogging!

later// okay okay, so mobile blogging's got its disadvantages too.
(i.e. i can only send 200 characters to my blog in one text)

i can't do this on my own

2009-04-15T15:31:00.002-04:00

trying to stay on everyone's good side is getting old. it's like walking on eggshells with everyone now days, and i'm just really sick of it. think of it as a see saw, i please one person, someone else is now unhappy. so i try to appease them, and the original person is mad. it's hard, and i become upset when i have to confront it. all the blame is on me, and i don't understand why it's my fault. everything's my fault.

it just upsets me, that's all.
believe it or not, i do care about all of my friends.
i just wish they cared half as much about me.
:(

let's burn this town straight to the ground

2009-04-13T22:11:00.002-04:00

have i preached ATTICS to everyone yet?
it really really is amazing, and i can't put it down for the life of me.
today was a waste, and i'm pretty tired.
i don't want to go to school tomorrow, but i don't think anyone does really,....well, except for jesi, who wants to go for some odd reason even though she's already excused. tomorrow i'm going to start walking and exercising and trying to be more healthy. i've had fast food for the last week everyday, and i can't keep doing that or i'm gonna be HUGE! (well, fatter than i already am, at least) ugh. i hate trying to be healthy. it wasn't so bad over the summer, but i feel like i've got no motivation now. well, i mean, i guess it's not going to be so bad?
i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore.

friday=shirt making day :D i'm so excited, i love making shirts with all the band names on them, because it means that the actual show is right around the corner. i can't believe fall out boy is so soon. twelve more days. it seems unreal. i can't wait to see them play stuff from folie a deux, especially if they play the disloyal order and she's my winona. i really love both of those songs. actually, i think i'll be satisfied if they play really anything off that record, unlike how i felt at ywt and hct when they played a lot of infinity on high. it's just going to be so fantastic, i know it. when fall out boy is playing, it's like no other live show. it's like you can breathe in the music so that it fills your lungs. they're not just another band when they're on stage, it's an experience. amazing doesn't even begin to cover it.
expect a LOT of pictures posted after that show, mannnnn ;)

i think for tonight i'm done.
my tummy hurts a little, and i need to get some sleep.
later kiddos :)

interestingly

2009-04-12T18:06:00.001-04:00

someone follows my blog privately.

oic.

what day is it, anyway?

2009-04-12T15:12:00.003-04:00

ohhh mannn
there are so many things floating around in my head, so many stories to share, and so much news to tell! well, that and the obscene amount of dreams i've had lately (and the ability i've had to recall them all!). i suppose i should find somewhere to start, eh?
hmmm. first of all, i'm going to take this opportunity to at least give a general idea of what my spring break has been like, while my sister is sleeping. i've got the computer for at least some time. :) i just feel like i'm in between days or something now, you know? i've spent the majority of my time not even in this state, let alone....alone! i'm not sure what the date is. i mean, i know it's sunday, and i know it's easter, but what day in april is it? it could be the tenth, eleventh, or the twelfth for all i know! (ah, according to the corner of the screen, it is in fact, the twelfth)
last saturday, i packed up all my crap and drove to meet my best friend, megan just past the virginia-north carolina border. (keep in mind that we hadn't seen each other since the notorious warped tour adventure) it was so great getting to see her for the first time in so long. we screamed and jumped and hugged, and then we continued to be in awe because i was finally there. :) so i spent the night at her house, met her friends, and her cousins, and i finally went to homegrown pizza! the next day, we began the drive down to hilton head island, south carolina. we were accompanied by her mom's best friend, and her two kids, shane and cole hovey. it was alright......except cole stared at us the entire drive, which was really unerving.
so anyway, after a really long drive, (an EPIC trip to south of the border & el drugstore in which i bought my amazing ethnic bag and took some really fantastic pictures) some crappy weather, and a serious mc donald's mix up, we made it to hilton head that evening. hilton head, as you may or may not know, is a barrier island of south carolina, basically covered in resorts. we happened to stay at a disney resort there, which, like all things disney, was really really nice. it was my first time there, but megan's millionth, as it was her cousin's millionth time too. the first two days were chilly, and not the best weather, but hey, we made the best of it, because that's what best friends do. besides, wednesday and thursday were really awesome and nice outside.
during our time in hilton head, we painted character mugs (i made stitch, megan made mike, and emily made a really....'lovely' minnie mouse), i tiedyed my first shirt, which was really really fun, and all of the kids (me, megan, emily, alex, erica, amanda, claire, and mitchell) beasted at 'pirates of the calibogue' scavenger hunt, only because we had the spirit of doug with us. OH DOUG. the story of doug is waaaay too funny, and too long to tell, but basically, he's this guy from augusta, ga who runs cross country and has droopy eyes and sporadic pimples. oh, and he's a huge celebrity at hilton head now because of our obnoxiousness. let's just say that no one on the island is going to forget us, or doug, anytime soon. ;) (haha megan's going to be disappointed with my summary of the legend of doug!)
emily, erica, and i even sang karaoke by the poolside to doug (he can stand under our umbrella) under the name 'h. rizzle and the toddettes.' it was pretty much a huge hit, and yes, you bet there's a video to it too. :)
we did so much stuff there, and we had so many good times, that it's impossible to write them all down. a hundred new inside jokes were made, including the HHH, TEAM DOUG!, COLE HOVEY, and a ton of other things. haha. i loved it so much, it was the second best spring break i've ever had (no offense, but i'm pretty sure nothing can top going to europe.), and it was so great to spend that much time with megan. we did so many things together, and we had so many laughs while doing it, it was really really just absolutely amazing.
(i'm sorry my blog doesn't compare to that of yours, megan, but hey, i'm trying!)
we left the island friday morning, giving doug and her cousins our last farewells. let me tell you, it was a very, very, very LONG drive home. but at least we got to stop by el drugstore again!
when we got back to megan's house, we discovered that attics to eden had leaked, and we were really mad lindsey hadn't told me. we pretty much got over it after i had searched online for an hour trying to find it, when lindsey had texted me the link. so we downloaded it, and listened to it for the first time together. it was really really really REALLY REALLY awesome to listen to it together, and now i can't stop listening to it! but that was to be expected, because we ADORE madina lake, and they're nothing short of amazing. :)
yesterday came, finally, ending our time together. it was a bummer, and i'm going to miss megan a lot. she got to meet andrew though, because he drove down with my dad to come get me. haha, it was pretty much an awkward meeting, but i'm glad they finally have officially met. (no, seeing him walk by at warped tour, [not knowing him myself mind you] saying 'hey! that kid goes to my school! hi andrew walker!' and making a comment on how tall he is does not count as an official meeting.)
i miss megan already, and i just saw her yesterday. there's a reason we are best friends, and it's because we are the best of friends. whenever we're together we always have tons of fun and we're ridiculously silly all the time. i am so unreasonably lucky that i met her randomly at that show that day, and i'm even more lucky that we've kept in touch as well as we have, even though ten months out of the year we're 300+ miles apart. i love you megz, i really do, you're like my sister, and i can't wait to see madina with you again in may! (yes, i'm that confident)
:)

compared to the week i've had, today is pretty boring, wouldn't you agree? it's easter, and i went to church for the first time in a month. it was pretty nice, actually. :) i got to see andrew yesterday, i've missed him sooo much this week, but i'm glad i got to see him. i miss all of my friends at school too! (even though i don't necessarily miss school, per say haha.)
i guess i'm off to take that nap i've been meaning to take for the last hour. :)
laterrrr

(oh, and you should totally get attics, because it's super great!)
(ohhh, and 13 DAYS UNTIL FALL OUT BOY)

oh friday

2009-04-03T22:45:00.000-04:00

"i look like a friday?"
i cannot wait for the next....eleven hours to be over.

:)
today was outrageously lovely and wonderful, and it exceeded its goodness potential.

let's just say i am very satisfied, and i get to see my best friend tomorrow.

that's right.

TOMORROW.

:)

(ohandireallyloveandrewawholelot!)

that's all for now folks. well, until i get to holly springs, that is. :D

(aw)www

2009-04-02T21:10:00.001-04:00

i'm in love.

april fools ;)

2009-04-02T16:11:00.002-04:00

sooooo that bogus post yesterday?
it was a JOKE.
i repeat, A JOKE, I TELL YOU, A JOKE!
ANDREW AND I DID NOT BREAK UP.
it was all just a really cleverly planned out april fool's day joke, and let me tell ya, it fooled everyone we told. haha, yeah, i understand that it wasn't nice to deceive people, but when i told them it was a fake, their faces were hilarious.

in other news,
2 DAYS UNTIL I SEE MEGAN.
two days! count 'em! one, two! that's it!
and you know what? today's almost over! so really, it's like, one and a half days until i see her! i can't believe it came this fast. i'm so freaking excited, you just don't even understand. i haven't seen this girl since july! i'm so excited. :D
OH AND
MADINA LAKE IS COMING!!!!! may 15, to the national in richmond. who's going? hayley's going! :D i get to see my two favorite bands ever BOTH within a month! :D

finally, as of yesterday- quite the contrary of a break up, andrew and i have officially been dating for five months. :) that's a while folks! and he finally made it to school today. :) i love himmmm.

ahhh i'm in a joyous mood~

daily

2009-04-01T18:32:00.003-04:00

~~unfortunately i suck at updating.~~
THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL I SEE MEGAN.
thank god, it's been getting old here....well, except for some things.
today was alright for the most part i guess. we're not going to talk about some of the things that happened last night, but for now i'm making the best of it i suppose.
:/
more when i can find the time to stop being so upset.

weekends

2009-03-29T22:42:00.002-04:00

are usually
a bummer.
usually, i don't do
much.
this weekend has been
highly productive and
beautiful all around.

oh,
and it
e
a
s
e
d my
anticipation for next
weekend.

<3

2009-03-27T19:34:00.000-04:00

today is madina lake day!
<3
:)

quicksand

2009-03-27T18:53:00.002-04:00

getting out of the car today after school, i was very...uneasy. whether it was the weather, be it the white-gray sky above me, or the chilly air around me, or the sole fact that heather agreed with me that she was getting bad vibes. i just wasn't sure what was going on.
andrew went to a bone doctor today. i was worried, but i'm glad he's going to get better. it sort of eliminates a worry and creates a new one simultaneously. (i swear i'm going to have gray hair)
yesterday i wasn't able to blog, but i sure wanted to because of all the stuff that happened.
i think i mentioned a while ago that in art class, i painted this baby bird between tree limbs. it was really adorable, as i'm sure everyone that's seen it would agree, and as soon as i get it back, i'll post a picture of it on here, because i'm quite proud of it. ms. creech took it upon herself to enter it into this contest that i wasn't aware of about a week ago, and i was invited to this place called 'the great frame up!' to see it displayed amongst art from other nearby highschools. even though i didn't win anything, i can't say that i really cared. (you should have seen some of that stuff in there!) in fact, i didn't even know it was a contest until yesterday, but it was just a really awesome thing to have my art displayed with other really great pieces. andrew came with us to the 'event?' i guess you'd call it, and met my grandparents. it was kind of strange, but i think it turned out alright. after the art part of the evening, we went next door to this place called keagan's, an irish restaurant. i'll just say right now, it was absolutely delicious, and really cheap too because andrew and i ate appetizers that were half off on thursdays. :)

as for now? heather just came home, she's real mad about something, mom doesn't care, she's watching incubus downstairs, it's raining pretty hard, and it kind of sounds like a hose being sprayed at the house, dinner is almost ready, i think andrew's asleep, and i just woke up.
mhm! so now i have to attend to my duties as being hayley todd, but i'll blog tomorrow. i just didn't have time to yesterday, i promise. :)

one week until i see my best friend.

WOW i'm so manic!

2009-03-25T18:46:00.001-04:00

haha i just re-read the posts that are displayed on my blog (the first page, so i guess it would be the first seven?) they are so up and down!
haha happy sad happy sad happy sad.
it's funny.
sometimes i think i'm bipolar?

keep my feet on the ground

2009-03-25T18:29:00.002-04:00

man this weather sucks.
haha, sunny one day, freezing the next, raining two days later, then hot as balls after that! not to mention that for the last few weekends it has managed to rain. (as it is supposed to this weekend) i guess i never really realized how it all worked until i was watching the national forecast one day a few weeks ago on the weather channel. which, well, is pretty sad because i never noticed that all the weather comes from the west and moves to the east, so if there's a crappy weather system coming through seattle on sunday, it'll be here by thursday.
crazy, crazy stuff.
then again, we are studying it in earth science now, but i'll admit it has been pretty hard to concentrate on considering the circumstances of the last few weeks. (although my average has remained at a lovely 101.69... ;D) needless to say that i don't really understand how to predict weather other than the aforementioned method.

hmmmm.....so anyway, apologies for the scanty posts lately, i'm just glad i've been getting on here long enough to do so. i can't remember if i blogged yesterday, i guess i'll check after i post this? anyway, if you've been the least bit concerned about me (which i doubt majority of you have not, ha) don't be. everything's fine. i've "taken care of business," if you will! er, once again, i'll have to leave you in the dark on this one, but trust me, it's waaaay above any of us. finally, i have stopped worrying and being so freaked out, i can just get on with my life and not fear the future as i have. :) (no questions asked, obviously)
the only thing harshing my mellow nowadays is julius caesar, but we are ALMOST almost almost done with his dumb self.
i'm so relieved, i can't wait until spring break. are you aware that we have reached single digits until i am reunited with my best friend for the first time since july?! :D nine days people. nine. more. days. (sorry becca neal, i know you haven't seen your megan in eons :'( but you'll see her again)
next wednesday makes five months for me and andrew. five months! can you believe it?
i've gotten to spend a lot of time with him lately. :) and yes, it is absolutely necessary too. i really reaaaally needed him previously this week. buttttt yeah, five whoooole months with virtually no fighting. haha. :)

hmm....ohhhh yeah! and i filmed a short video, i guess what can be entitled "the hayley todd show episode infinity" i'll post it soon i swear or you can impale me. haha.
like anyone even cares, right?

LATER~~~

stellar

2009-03-24T17:27:00.002-04:00

HA forget everything i've ever said about being depressed.
today was a great day, and i'm back to myself MUCH FASTER than i expected.
i see my best friend in eleven days (and some change), and life is back to it's usual state of excellence, thank you very much :)

not

2009-03-23T20:43:00.001-04:00

i just don't even have the words right now, honestly.
i'll get back to you when i'm feeling like hayley todd again.
but as for now?

i'm just really anxious and i hate it.
:(

sometimes i feel like i'm screwing everything up?

good morning

2009-03-21T09:54:00.000-04:00

i am perfectly fine.
thanks for your concern about these cryptic messages over the last few days, but really guys, i'm fine. i am, i promise. the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the last thing you need to be worrying about is hayley todd, okay?
plus, i have a tendency to overreact a lot.

:)

FAKE

2009-03-20T22:32:00.001-04:00

gee, maybe i should just start hiding it when i'm really pissed off.

his girl friday

2009-03-20T20:34:00.002-04:00

or not.
today wasn't as good as fridays usually are.
i'm bored, full of panera, and lonely.
i wish it wasn't so late so i could do something with someone tonight.

oh, and i'm waiting for a miracle, thanks.
i really do wish that someone, anyone would talk to me. it's not so nice being alone.

scratch that-

2009-03-19T19:26:00.001-04:00

my mood has changed for the third time today,
which this time is a good thing, solely because i'm in a good mood now.
less worried.
less scared.
less angry.
less upset.

i'm happy,
relieved,
nervous,
but nonetheless better;
and i do hope i remain in this spirit for the rest of the week.

...i can't wait for sunday.

love bipolar?

2009-03-19T16:44:00.002-04:00

raise your hand if you have any idea how manic i've been lately.
you have no idea.
this week, much like last week, has just been the weirdest events, one right after another.
it's like i can't stay in one mood. first i'm sad, then i'm depressed, and then things get better (sort of), until someone makes me reaaaally upset again, and then it gets worse, and then i'm feeling okay, and then i'm sick, and then i'm just horribly depressed, and then no one wants to talk to me, and then i'm really really really happy, and then i'm really really really REALLY happy, and that lasts for a while, but then i'm really pissed off and hurt again. i just can't seem to keep my head on straight.
i let too many little things bother me, i guess? and the strange thing is, just last night i was thinking about how i should just act like nothing's bothering me to make everything work out and then no one's sad but me, but it's okay because i'll hide it? but i don't like hiding my feelings, usually i come right out and say it.
but i'm pretty upset right now, over one of the dumbest things, and the worst part is he's not even sorry.
oh, and it takes effort for him to be nice to me, apparently.
i thought when you 'loved' someone, it was second nature to look out for them, and it wasn't a task to be kind.
i guess i was wrong though.

oh, and i got my phone. so i guess that's one good thing that came out of this week besides putting me closer to seeing megan.
i'm out.

sick

2009-03-17T21:10:00.002-04:00

i'm sick of the rain.
i'm sick of feeling guilty.
i'm sick of andrew feeling like crap.
i'm sick of being scared.
i'm sick of worrying.
i'm sick of feeling like crap.
i'm sick of crying.
i'm sick of using this freaking blackberry.
i'm sick of broken promises.
i'm sick of pity.
i'm sick of being used.
i'm sick of people.
i'm sick of feeling sick.
i'm sick of these migranes.
i'm sick of not being able to say things and mean it.
i'm sick of being a liar.
i'm sick of this denial.
i'm sick of missing my best friend.
i'm sick of everything falling apart.
i'm sick of having a 'talking to' every other night.
i'm sick of being poor.
i'm sick of my sinuses.
i'm sick of this month.
i'm sick of the cold.
i'm sick of school.
i'm sick of being treated like crap.
i'm sick of liars.
i'm sick of this.
i'm sick of everything.

i'm just sick.

966-

2009-03-17T18:03:00.003-04:00

i think i'm going to ensure that i get this phone:

it's almost exactly like my phone, only it doesn't slide, and obviously it's much cuter, because it's aqua not black and white. :) i'm not sure if i want this one or the black one though.
but it's whatever, i just want one because this dumb blackberry just does not feel right at all. it's like i have no phone of my own.

speaking of not feeling right, today has just been downright strange.

desperately mediocre

2009-03-16T17:52:00.002-04:00

my throat feels as if there is blood in it, and everytime i breathe i can taste it in the air. the bad thing is, that might be exactly what i'm tasting....ughhh.
yesterday was a strange day.
i woke up not feeling well, (as previously stated, i still don't) but no one made me wake up for church. i then decidedly spent my day lounging about the house in my pajamas, texting andrew for a while until he had to watch the opera. two hours later, he texted me back saying that it sucked, so they left halfway through it. so much for getting 'cultured' i guess?
anyway, i think after that, i came back up here and thought about blogging, but before i could i went to text someone on my phone, and much to my dismay it didn't respond. i kept pushing the center button, but it never responded. basically, my phone (although otherwise completely functionable) is useless, because without the center navigational button, i can't open texts, compose texts, change any of the settings, or anything applicable like that. i'm really pissed off. yeah yeah, it was just a phone. no, it wasn't just a phone, alright? that thing was my baby. i'll never have a better phone than that, what with it's insane memory capabilities such as holding 1,000+ messages in the inbox AND 1,000+ in the sent box simultaneously, and still there was room for everything else. it slided open, it had a music player, and it even had a memory card. that was the sweetest piece of technology ever. i don't care about all this new-fangled 'touch screen' bull crap, my nokia was WHERE IT'S AT. i don't even know if i'm going to be able to get a new phone. i don't know if my parents are planning on buying me one.
so in the mean time, the solution? no, i don't have to go without a phone....i just have to use my mom's 4 year old dinosaur blackberry D: that thing doesn't even have a camera on it! it's sooo user-UNfriendly, and i'm pretty sure i'll never be able to text in class again, because i'm QWERTY inept. :(
yes, i'm VERY upset about this.
i mean, the thing barely fits in my pocket. but i guess it's better than having nothing at all.
oh, and my number's still the same, incase you were wondering.

all for naught

2009-03-14T14:21:00.005-04:00

this week has been pretty crazy. apologies for the severe lack of updates, it's just things have been strange and detached this week, but hopefully they're getting back to normal.
it makes sense to begin my summary of my week with monday, but then again, monday didn't really have much to do with the rest of the week. regardless, my afternoon on monday is worth mentioning, because it was a beautiful day that i spent outside walking with andrew.
tuesday was...interesting, to say the least. my school day ended with andrew's mother picking the two of us up from school, and then taking us to get something to eat. immediately after that, we went back to andrew's, and stayed there for a while. at about 4:30, he was going to walk me home, but ten minutes prior, his friend came over, and that was the abrupt end of our time together. i'm not going to go into much more detail than that, except it was a very long walk home. he called at about 8:00, we had a serious chat that didn't end so well, and he gave me some news that i wasn't exactly prepared for. it had to happen sooner or later, andrew hurt himself pretty bad while skateboarding. (let's just say it was karma?) not only that, but he had to make a trip to the emergency room that night, and he would not be going to school the next day. i was very upset about all of this, and as if things weren't bad enough, my mom came upstairs and said that she was taking shamus, our dog, to the emergency vet. oh, and i had a mountain of julius caesar homework that i needed to do as well. needless to say, it was a very long night.
because of the traumatic night that i had had the night before, i didn't go to school wednesday morning. (mainly because i was up past midnight) instead, i went to school at 10:30, just in time to miss the majority of french. ha. i spent most of my day waiting to see andrew after school, when his mom picked jesi and me up. we went to this amazing old-fashioned diner/pharmacy, where i experienced the most delicious milkshake i have ever had in my life. it was called 'muddy sneakers.' after that, we went to this little place called 'starving artists,' where we painted pottery for a few hours. jesi painted a thermos-cup thing, i painted a mug, and andrew painted a bowl. it was so much fun! (i think we're picking up the stuff this upcoming week, so i'll try and remember to post a picture of my mug) we went back to casa de walker, and i tried my best to take care of andrew, who at that time was on crutches with a brace around his leg. i helped get him settled and i propped up his leg with a few pillows. it was the least i could do. :)
thursday was another long day without andrew at school, until he was dropped off for sixth period art (with me!). after that was the japanese club meeting that involved discussing cherry blossom, which neither of us plan on attending. so we sat outside for a while until his mom picked us up again, this time heading to cracker barrel. it was just nice that i was able to spend so much time with him despite his hurt leg.
yesterday, it was a half day, so we were dismissed at 10:50. i went home and took a nap, and waited to be taken over to lindsey's. i was disappointed that i didn't get to see andrew, but i figure that i've plagued his life enough this week. so around 4:00, i went over to lindsey's house, and spent the night last night. i got to sleep on an aero bed, which was a whole new world practically, because it wasn't a crappy little air mattress like at home. haha. we watched quality films like 'once upon a forest' and 'doug's first movie.' all in all it was great, except i stayed up waaay too late, and i think i'm allergic to her dogs. :0
but now i'm home, in need of doing my chores, and getting ready. hopefully i've devised some way to see andrew today, since i was deprived yesterday.
i guess that's all for now though. i'm going to try and do better this week, i promise.

rewind

2009-03-10T22:54:00.001-04:00

i wish that i could wake up tomorrow and have it be today.
what else is going to go wrong?

revisiting the weekend;

2009-03-09T20:05:00.005-04:00

this weekend was absolutely lovely, in every sense of the word. saturday, i wen- (ohmygod, i just realized that 'saturday' has the word 'turd' in it! :0) anyway, i went to virginia beach (the actual beach, not the city) for the first time in my entire life! it was super magical, because i went with andrew & co., and the weather was just spiffing! virginia beach is really great. it's a lot like carolina beach, or ocean city, except for the boardwalk isn't as mighty as the ones there. but we got ice cream that was super delicious because it was orangey flavored. :) we ate at this real expensive restaurant called 'rudee's' too, and they gave me a burger with a sunny side up egg on it....last time i checked sunny side up was NOT fried as the menu with the burger description had led me to believe.
anyway, when we got back home, we went to rita's, which was amazing, duh, because, well, who doesn't like rita's?! after that, we went back to andrew's house due to the fact that i was locked out of my own house. at andrew's, we had a really intense conversation, and it was just really something that i'll never forget. :) sunday was beeaaauutifulll again, slightly warmer, but fantastic nonetheless. at church, i actually learned and paid attention, because i found the lesson to be really informative. i took a nap, and went on a walk with andrew later on. :) needless to say i had a good weekend. :) today was similarly nice outside, and i actually spent a lot of time out there (i know, hard to believe, right?!). i went on another walk with andrew, but this time we went different places for a longer amount of time. we came home and ate spaghetti at my house. :) things have been really good lately, i'm just hoping things with everyone get better. :) but don't worry, i have a feeling they will. :)